So. Much.

Good Riddance 2015!! This has been a bear of a year! I usually post a "Best of Whatever Year or Top Ten in 20?" post, but this time I am going to incorporate the "best and the worst" into one post. I can make a pretty long list of "good things" that happened in 2015, but I can't really come up with  "AMAZING" things in 2015. Good things, yes, but the blow my socks off kind of stuff just didn't happen this year.Thankfully, there is always something to be thankful for--something in which to be grateful. 2015 was the most difficult  year of my life. I am hoping 2016 will be so much more...

New Year's Eve I sat on my couch in my pajamas and wrote out a list of the "best of 2015" and the "worst of 2015" because I wanted to write this post. I have to see things in writing in order to make sense of my thoughts. It's why I love stationary and pretty paper and journals and beautiful life planners. I want to write things down. I have to SEE it, read it, look at it over and over. I'm not sure I have told you or not, but I am processor. It takes me TIME to process things whether it be an idea, a problem, a situation, a divorce, whatever it is, I need to think about it and go over it in my mind as many times as it takes in order for me to "get it" or "accept it" or "commit to it." It's just who I am. So if you ask me something important, something serious, I will likely say to you, "I need to think about it. I'll get back to you." :) My list of "best of" was much longer than the "worst of," but the worst was so much bigger than the best in terms of feelings, emotions, set backs, etc... Just remembering it all now makes my heart beat a little faster and my chest feel tighter. Whew. Ok. 

So the good things in 2015 included but definitely not limited to:

CONCERTS: Fleetwood Mac (YES!), Eric Church, Air Supply(yes, I did), Little Big Town, and Andy Grammer! I am now Andy Grammer's biggest fan! His energy just picks me up. I got to see the MOVE LIVE Tour in Raleigh. This is an all dancing and singing show starring Julianne and Derek Hough (Dancing with the Stars) and their cast of dancers. We were so excited b/c we are really big fans of DWTS. 

TRAVELS and TRIPS: SC Lake Trips to Fletcher's place, a couple of Myrtle Beach trips, a 5 day Miami excursion in August right before school started(by myself but super great beach time), a road trip to Georgia to see my youngest brother and wife. I had never been to their house so this was a special time. Jeff rented a pontoon boat and we spent an entire day on the water. My biggest trip of the year was in October. My daughter and I flew to Chicago to see my 2 oldest brothers and hang out 

and see the sites(to read about this trip, click here) then we rented a car and drove to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, to visit my niece and family. At the time of our visit, Kit James was only 5 weeks old and Brooks, 3 yrs. I had never met either child and we were so excited to be able to spend a couple of days with them. We walked around downtown Milwaukee and spent such good quality time with each other. I got so many baby snuggles that my heart almost couldn't stand it! I loved being able to see my niece be a mother. She is a wonderfully patient and loving mom and her husband, Nick, is a terrific dad to those two boys. Katelyn and I had an awesome visit and I got to spend quality time with my daughter and make a box full of memories for the two of us.

HOLIDAY FUN: My birthday and Thanksgiving were one day apart this year. I do believe it was one of the best b'day/Thanksgivings ever. My brother Ray, his fiance, Laura, his son Greg and wife Jen, all came to WS to spend Thanksgiving with me and mine. Ray lives in Chicago and Greg and Jen live in Kentucky. It was a very long drive for all of them, but they made the effort and we had the most wonderful time. All four of my kids were here and it was the best. 

I hosted an amazing Christmas Party--a party for my girlfriends. I will write a post about this event because it deserves its own page in history. The theme this year was "A Few of My Favorite Things." We had a blast! 

NEW STUFF: I got a new iPhone 6 Plus. I got a new mattress and not just any mattress. This mattress is like lying on a bed of heavenly clouds. THE BEST mattress EVER. It is so thick/deep. I have to order special sheets to fit the thing! (totally worth it) I have a mattress man hook up if anybody needs new bedding. He's the real deal. I got a Selfie Stick! WOOT! Thank you, Daughter. It is so much fun!The best "new thing" I purchased in 2015 was a CAR! Oh my word! It has been 11 years since I've had a new car. My mini van was new when we bought it in 2004 and when I traded it in for a whopping $1000, it had well over 207,000 miles!! It was actually in pretty good shape and probably would've lasted me a while longer, but I just never knew when its last breath might be so I had to do something. Fortunately for me I have a brother who works for KIA and he was able to help me out so to speak. So 2 days before Christmas, Jared and I marched into the KIA dealership and I bought myself a 2016 KIA Sorento-Remington Red. I'll admit, it's pretty sweet and I am one happy camper. I'm dreading the car payment but it had to be done. I will manage.

Meet Remi

MISC GOOD THINGS: My youngest son graduated from high school in June. In just 5 short days we will be moving him into college at East Carolina University in Greenville, NC. I'm so incredibly happy for him but yet, he's my baby, the last one to go, and I've got serious Mom Feels going on right now! I started the process to be a hospital volunteer. I decided it's time for me to "give back" and what better way than to help in the hospital? I have a preference of course... I want to volunteer in Labor and Delivery and help with those newborn babies!! I passed all the tests, got the recommendations, now I'm just waiting on a schedule. I'm looking forward to this adventure. I took a Conceal Carry Class on Mother's day with my daughter and a friend and her daughter. It was awesome! I passed with flying colors and even scored 100% on the shooting test! Waaahooo! Now I just have to go to the court house to get my actual permit. I took part in a very special Walk... It's called Purple Stride for pancreatic cancer(posted about it here). I walked with several of my good friends in memory and honor of our friend who passed away from this horrible disease just a few years ago. We hope to do it again next year. I was in charge of planning our first Fowler Family Reunion. We had it in Asheville and about 22 people attended. We hope it's only the beginning of many family reunions to come. I got to hear RON CLARK speak in Greensboro. If you are in education, you know who he is...amazing speaker, motivator, teacher, principal, writer, and more. I could have sat and listened to him all night. He is just that good. (Look up Ron Clark Academy.) My son got engaged to a lovely young woman. The wedding will be 5/22/16. This is major and this event will bring much excitement for all in the coming months. 

So there's the highlights of my 2015. Yes, all wonderful happenings and doings and I am so thankful for each and every one of them. However, this has been a year of struggle, overcoming a sense of depression and having to fight like crazy to simply stay on top of the water. This year brought some real serious hurt by people I truly cared about. I've been losing myself but now thankfully beginning to find who I am again. It's been a year of turmoil within my family. My aunt has been in and out of hospitals or nursing facilities and I've had to drop everything and run to take care of her and all the mess that goes with being a healthcare power of attorney. I had to move schools, move homes, readjust to life in different places, different people all the while longing for the "old."  It's been a year of missing people...those who used to be in my life, those who were in my life briefly but now are gone, missing people when they are "just down the road" but really aren't present, missing those people I would love to see and be with but because of distance or circumstances, I can't. It just really stinks to miss people. My divorce became final in 2015. I found out about "the other woman" in 2015. This year has been an emotional rollercoaster. I am so ready for all things new! 

My hope for 2016 is SO MUCH... Here it is the 3rd day of a brand spankin' new year and right now every page (minus 3) is completely blank. What will fill those pages? What colorful stunning pictures will take up the space? Who will be on the pages with me? I am determined to make those pages shine, make them stand out, make them FULL to overflowing with good stuff. Oh, I know there will be pages with some hard times, disappointments and heartache, but when they come, I want SO MUCH to be able to deal with it and then let it go.Let it go! I'm tired of being weighted down in the mire, the muck of things I can do absolutely nothing about. 

In 2016 I want to experience so much of everything. Things like good times with friends, road trips to places unknown and road trips to my favorite places, quiet in the midst of a storm, peace like I've never known before, time on a beach sitting in the sun with a drink and a book, continued health/better health, opportunities to meet new people and have fun, not to be so intent on what I think should be or should not be... I want more of "just let it be." I want to spend more time with the people I love. I want those I love to know I love them, want the best for them, am always here for them in good and bad. I want so much to be able to communicate how important my people are to me by telling them, showing them. Days are flying by and what are we doing with each 24 hours? We are wasting it so much of the time by not saying what we want to say, not doing what we want to do, waiting and waiting for the other person to make a move or to say something. Why wait? The clock is ticking. Make that brave bold move and go for it!! What is it you want to GO FOR this year? Think about it and then do it! Just do it. What is there to lose? Missed chances, missed opportunities that's what! I don't want to miss anymore of life or those chances and opportunities. I want a shirt that says, "BE BOLD. BE BRAVE PUT BOTH FEET IN THE WATER!" I want the letters written in sparkly gold glitter so the words shine in people's eyes when they look at it. I wish for so much sunshine and a lot less rain this year. (figuratively speaking) Fact: NC has had more real rain in the last several months than I ever remember! So much rain that it seems our state is going to slide right on into the Atlantic Ocean from so much water log! 

Sunshine is my favorite! I want more of it in my life this year. I think the saying is true, "We make our own happiness." So stands to reason we make our own sunshine. The reason I believe it is true is because we have a choice. Life is all about choices. I have drilled that into my children since they were very young. We choose how to act, how to think, how to change our attitude, how to love, how to hate, how to show kindness or not. We choose right from wrong. We choose our battles. We choose our friends and yes, we choose to be happy whatever the circumstances. That is not easy, my friends. I know I sound all pumped up and ready to tackle the world with all my positive energy, but I'm having a two way conversation with myself. "Do you really believe all this 'go for it be brave stuff?" vs "Get to it, Dawn! Go get your life back. Make the sunshine!" I haven't all of a sudden become infused with "happy juice."  I've just had a paradigm shift of sorts. All this other crap has accumulated and accumulated over many years and poured over me like tar, hardening and growing thicker with every layer. The last couple of years I've noticed a few thin cracks where a little light began to get through and the more I focused on what could be instead of what was or isn't, I felt some relief from the heaviness, the extreme weight of guilt, loss, regret, feeling worthless, denial, shame, failure. I've had to learn the hard way and I figure nearly all of us learn the hard way. It's not pretty, but it's effective. Being able to finally release the whole divorce thing has enabled me to at least break through that many layered burdensome shell of "Tar," and hold my face toward the sun with arms outstretched while pieces of that dang tar fall away. What a golden feeling that is!! We continue to be a work in progress, don't we? 

2016 is going to be full of Moments-365 days, 24 hours in each day moments. I want my moments to stand out. I want to be responsible for my moments whether they be small or big, quiet or loud. I've said to myself, "This is your year." I'm determined to be determined so what am I going to do to make it my year? Mine? How? I recently saw a really cool word. The word is KAIROS, a Greek word, meaning "Quality moment in time. The opportune moment to take action (the supreme moment). A moment of intermediate time in which everything happens." There is power in a moment. I (we) have the power now to make a decision and take action. Change, try, grow, accept, give, believe, begin or quit, open my heart and mind to what could be, have more faith in God and in myself, trust that I can and will succeed in this journey called Life. It really is all about the journey, not the destination. My desire is to make the most of my moments. Every day is a gift. We have one life and it's short, so let's put on our dancing shoes and go for it. 

Happy New Year and here's to making powerful Moments!!! Come along with me on the journey. I'd be happy for the company. :) 

It's your life. Paint your canvas beautiful!!

Love,

D~