A Southern Rehabilitation

What a rollercoaster of emotions the last few weeks, days! I had every intention of going to church this morning. I made plans last night and told myself, "Tomorrow is the day. I'm going." I'm not sure what the pull is, but I have felt the need to get back to church recently. I suppose the desert has become too dry to give any more sustenance. I haven't been to church for a normal Sunday service in about 5 years. When J and I started having issues, then separated, then divorce, then the aftermath, I was not about church. I went on a couple of Easter Sundays and each Christmas service, but that's it. This year has brought several major life changes (it's only July) and perhaps because of the enormity of these changes, my heart has been changing as well. I've been feeling an urging, a push if you will, toward the Holy. I've never lost it; I have misplaced it or put it on the back burner perhaps. My heart has hurt this year and I've found myself...

I seem to be on this weird emotional rollercoaster.  I really can't figure out how it started or why, but it's the place I find myself these days. This is a long post. I am expressing my feelings, my thoughts. Please don't judge me or criticize me. Before I even began writing, I thought if I say what I really feel, there will be those who say, "Well, change it if that is how you feel. Do something about it. You don't have to stay there or do that. Find somewhere else. Do something else. Get out there." I almost changed my words and then I thought, "It doesn't matter what someone else thinks? This is my space. No one has to read it if they don't want to. Right?"  Right. :) Just wanted to say that first before *you* got too deep into the read and wondered if I'm alright. I am. I'm just trying to figure it out like the rest of the world. There are days I cry... over movies, heart-warming stories, photographs of people I love, dumb TV ...

Christmas Day. What a day it has been! Such joy on my grandchildren's faces. I couldn't stop smiling at them and their excitement for all things Christmas. They are 5 and 4 years old. A boy and a girl. Both fiery redheads. You see, they weren't supposed to be here b/c of "custody agreements," but I got the best surprise last night around 9:30. Katelyn called me and said, "I just got a notification that something I ordered was just delivered. Can you go out to the porch and get it?" I opened the door and there stood my two Littles' beautiful sweet faces. They had driven here from Fayetteville (2 1/2 hours). I was overcome with delight and of course, there were happy tears! I haven't spent Christmas with young children since my children were young. All the work and exhaustion came flooding back as I watched my daughter "prepare" for Santa's arrival. Almost as soon as they arrived, she started making the hot chocolate and cookies to ...

It's Christmas Eve! Where has the most wonderful time of the year gone? We had a monstrous snow about 3 weeks ago and it was so fabulous. It made things seem a bit more "like Christmas." Oh, how I would love a White Christmas. I think I've only had a WC maybe twice in my life at least that I remember. Three out of four of my children are home for Christmas and I am ever so thankful. I miss my #3 and wish he and his wife could be with us, but once one's children marry, then holidays are shared. I get it. I had to do it once upon a time as well. Before the real chaos of Christmas begins I wanted to share out our Christmas letter this year and our Christmas card. This is the easiest way I have time to "write to you" before the 25th. :) Katelyn wrote her Christmas letter and I wrote the "year in review" of each family member. I believe next year I will take back the job of the entire letter. Katelyn has been so good to write this for me the last 6 ...

That day was August 13, 2006... This day is August 13, 2018... How has it been 14 years since she left? This is the date that my grandmother passed away. This is the day I lost being someone's child... and today is August 13th, 2018. I just came back from a wonderful family vacation with my children--2 of them plus a daughter-in-law plus two grandchildren. My oldest and youngest could not join us this time. I started back to work today. Well, truthfully, my official start date is Thursday, August 16th, but I went to my new school today to at least start unpacking some of the many boxes and get an idea of room arrangement, etc... My principal, who happens to also be a good friend, helped me move furniture and rearrange some things. As we were working, she asked me, "Why are you sad? Are you not happy to be here? Are you not excited? Is it because you are teaching 3rd grade?" She asked me the "sad question" at least 5 times. She told me I just didn't look r...

July 2, 2018 Austin International Airport--1st Bump Dallas-Fort Worth Airport-Texas--2nd Bump Ok, well, I'm back at the airport... the Dallas Fort Worth Airport that is. I am trying to get to Seattle for the second leg of my trip. I was scheduled to leave Austin for DFW at 7:58am... I was bumped. I am flying Standby and that can sometimes happen. I made it on the next flight at 9:20 but once here in Dallas I was bumped AGAIN. So I'm scheduled on the "next flight" leaving DFW at 2:50. We shall see. Oh, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. My son, Jared, is already there. Hopefully, he will be able to get out and explore a bit while I'm trying to make my way there. (he was there five hours ahead of me, and yes, he did get out an explore Seattle for a bit before I got there) Let me tell you what. DFW is a HUGE airport. Since I've been here I've been on the SkyLink twice. I guess I've made an entire loop around the place by now. They've started calling "st...