Trending... Choose Your Word

This is actually the second year in a row for me "choosing a word." The idea is to choose a word for the new year. I'm sure you've heard about it. It's all the rage these days. It is supposed to be a word that challenges you; a word to adopt and put into practice for the coming year. I heard about this in 2016, but I'm sure it has been a "hot" thing to do for longer than two years. It only came to MY attention sometime in 2016 when I started seeing Facebook ads for bracelets, necklaces (The Giving Keys); talk shows were talking about "Word for the Year." Then my daughter received a necklace from one of her best friends. It was a "Giving Keys" necklace. Her friend had asked her to think of a word that would be "her word" for the 2017 year. Katelyn chose "JOY" and Lindsey had the word JOY engraved on the necklace and gave it to her for Christmas. I thought it was a fantastic idea and decided I needed to choose a word for 2017 seeing as my 2016 was the absolute worst. I only had room to go UP. So the word I chose for me was "CHANGE." I knew that 2017 was going to bring a lot of change to my life. I also knew that I needed to change some things in my life, personal things.

So I set about making "change" my word. I really wanted to change my life... change my attitude, change my living arrangements, change the way I felt about work, change how I viewed opportunities--I could either jump at the chance or let it go and feel OK about letting it go. I just needed CHANGE in my life after such a long long spell of being broken and simply going through the motions of life to get by. I was tired of being "blah." I sure did have a year of change but I will be addressing those changes in more detail in other posts. I moved and the moving experience was hellacious. I moved again. I went on a three week trip out of the country. My daughter got married. My son moved to Texas. A lot of change. I didn't really fully embrace my word for 2017 as I would have liked. There was definitely much change, but I wasn't always conscious of the inner changes. I wanted more... more change.

This year, 2018, I wanted to choose a word that really suited me, challenged me, made me stop and think about what I was doing with my life, how I was going to live my life, and what did I really want this new year to be about --for me? I wanted my word to piggyback off of "Change" from the year before--sort of a continuation, but more in depth. My word for 2018 is PURPOSEFUL. I want to be purposeful this year in all that I do. Purposeful in my relationships (friends and family and co-workers, students, parents of students, etc... ) Purposeful in getting healthier, because let's face it, I'm not getting younger, just older. Perhaps purposeful in being open to the idea of a man in my life. I have no idea if there is a man out there for me, but I can open my eyes and heart to the possibility of one. I can do my part so to speak. The whole idea of being in another "girl/boy" relationship is seriously scary to me and overwhelming in many ways. I think about so many "what ifs." I want to stop doing that and begin allowing the light of possibility into my closed off heart and mind. There are now cracks and the ice is melting; I want to be purposeful in my journey toward the sun!

In choosing to be purposeful, I believe it will help ME. Help me become more of the person I strive to be. The person who is now on her own. I need to get to know me and who I am and what I can do all by myself (which I've found out is a lot.)  What I want the rest of my life to be about and how do I get there--with or without another Someone. Honestly, I've never taken the time to figure that out. I've never been one to do a lot of soul-searching and when I tried, I guess I really didn't know how to go about it because I rarely ended up with some epiphany or great knowledge as to what or who I'm about. So I would push it all back to the recesses of my mind and continue carrying on as usual. I've never been big on self-reflection. I was too busy, too consumed with raising my children and taking care of my family, and truthfully, maybe a bit afraid to dig very deep. However, it's time, and I'm going to start with being purposeful.

So much of my time is spent "doing." I'm either teaching as hard as I can go or I'm taking care of my house as hard as I can go. When I come home from work I am exhausted so I just "sit" and stare at the TV and then promptly fall asleep in the chair. That's Okay to do here and there, but I don't want that to be all that I do. I want to be purposeful in blogging more. Last year I only posted 11 times. The posts were spread way out...I posted 4 times in January and not again until April. I posted in July and not again until January of '18. A lot happened in those in-between months, but I had no desire to write about any of it.

I found these "Images" when I googled "Purposeful." These words pretty much sum up what I am trying to accomplish in choosing this word for me this year.

I have always heard the phrase "No one is responsible for your happiness except you." So in other words, we can't simply "wish" to be happy. We can't expect someone or people to make us happy; we have to make it happen. We create our own happiness whatever that may be. I believe that being purposeful in our everyday lives will help accomplish just that... a life of true happiness. I want that for myself. There are a lot of great words in the above "word find." One of the words that really stands out to me is "confident." I struggle with being confident on a daily basis. Confidence is something I feel I do not possess. Oh, I can do it if I have to and I forge ahead and make it happen, but it's because of sheer will and determination, not because I feel confident about it. Grit is one thing I have in spades, but confidence in myself, about myself, etc... not so much. So yeah, all those words up there... I want to incorporate them into my life... be them, do them, make them all a part of my everyday thinking and living. I don't for one minute think it will just happen. It is something I have to be deliberate in thinking about each day and motivated to practice. I want more meaning in my life than to get up, go to work, come home, go to bed. No, there is more. I know there is and I plan to be purposeful in finding it and doing it. My children are grown. I have just resurfaced and come out of a terrible darkness. I have no parents. My brothers live far away from me. I now have a dog, but other than that, I have no huge responsibilities. It's time I figure me out. It will be small steps; I don't figure I will accomplish being "all of this" in a few weeks or months. I start out small and grow and make progress and more will come as I become more familiar with myself and more confident in myself and as I take more and more steps out of my comfortable box... more risks, more deliberateness, more resolve to do more and be more for myself and the people in my life... the people I have now and the people I have yet to meet.

Purposeful, here I come!
D~