My Nannie
Yesterday was August 13, 2016. It was a hot summer night on August 13, 2006, when I got the call that my grandmother was dying. I remember I had been to a movie with a bunch of teenage kids. The movie was Talledega Nights. When I got home, the call came and I froze. I didn't hurry but if I had of hurried, I might have made it before she passed. I was in shock and didn't want to believe it. If I put off going long enough, it would all be over. My oldest son drove me to Asheville that night. It was very late when we got to the nursing home. They had done nothing to her, didn't move her, just left her in the bed. When we walked into her room, it was more than I could stand at the moment. The woman I loved most in this world was dead; she was lying there with her mouth open, and we couldn't even close it. I tried. I walked out for a few minutes to try and get a grip on the emotions that were enveloping me while my sweet son stayed in the room with her for a bit. I was hardcore crying.
It has now been ten years since she left us for mansions and streets of gold and glorious hallelujahs. How happy she must be! How happy she must've been that night--the night she took her last breath and was escorted by Angels into heaven's gates. She was welcomed with God's open arms and choirs of Angels singing the most beautiful Welcome Home music. She was reunited with her son and daughter, her husband and brothers and sisters and so many others. How could that not be the most wondrous of Homecomings! Her body here was just a shell of the vibrant woman she once was, so why stay here when she could have everything?!
Nannie was my mother and my grandmother. She raised me along with my grandfather. My mother died when I was three so at the age of 45 she took on a 3-year-old after having raised three children of her own. Nannie was one of 12 children. She was #3 born September 19, 1917. The highest grade she completed in school was the sixth grade. She had a rough upbringing and an even scarier first marriage. At times she even feared for her life and the safety of her children. My grandmother gathered up enough nerve to leave him. One day while he was gone, she ran away with the 3 kids. Where she went with them, I don't know. I do know she worked like a slave to provide for herself and for them. Then one glorious day she met my grandfather who was the best thing that ever happened to her and the kids. They got married and he treated those children like his own. Then I came along and he loved me too and he became my hero. I had two heroes. I wish I had appreciated them more when I was growing up, but I guess that is part of childhood. Kids don't realize what their parents go through, endure, sacrifice, all for them. Oh, how we hurt our parents, but they keep it to themselves, loving us no matter what we do or say. Why? Love, pure unconditional love. I get it now. I so get it. My grandparents were my saving grace. My life line. My ticket to a rich full life. A fantastic childhood filled with family, togetherness, a safe haven, and so much love.
My grandmother was the bravest strongest woman I have ever known or will know. She gave me my roots and sense of belonging and taught me the meaning of family and loyalty and how to survive great loss and heartbreak, but above all else, love. Oh, how she loved me! There was never a day that I didn't feel loved by both of my grandparents. I can honestly say that I was told every day of my life, "I love you." Not just once, but many times. That is a gift. A supreme gift that was freely given to me thus allowing me to flourish and have dreams and wings to fly. You see my grandmother lost 2 of her 3 children in horrific accidents. My mother, at age 21, in a car accident and my uncle at age 44, in a terrible construction accident. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children, yet she had to find a way to survive every day without two of hers. The flesh of her flesh. The bone of her bones. I think about that and what enormous inner strength it took for her to continue living. Strength to get up in the morning and face another day without her babies. In the case of my mother, I think she did it for me. She had me to raise and look after and she couldn't do that if she was incapacitated and unable to function on a daily basis. I did see breakdowns over the years. Who could help it? She was very protective and many times that annoyed me to no end, but now I understand why. She survived the greatest losses and deepest heartbreaks a person can possibly endure all the while teaching me how to be strong and courageous and brave. I'm sure she didn't even realize the enormity of her life lessons. The profound impact her life would have on mine.
I miss her. I need her. I want to feel her arms wrapped all around me and hear her say, "I love you so much and everything is going to be alright." Then I would believe it because I believed in her and I believed what she told me was truth. I know she would make sure of it or do all in her power to make it so. No matter how old we get, we still want/need our "moms," or in my case, my Nannie. She really taught me so many things. I wish I could just sit beside her and tell her all that I have learned from her--all that she has given me. Her example, her lessons, her love, it grounded me and helped form the person I am today. She gave me my faith (in a sense). Her love has made me strong, given me the courage never to give up, given me the will to survive no matter the obstacles. (a long list) Nannie was a true fighter. She dug in when she had to or was forced to and I admired her for it. She taught me to do the same. Kids really do watch and learn.
I know she was proud of me. She also told me that every day. She supported me in everything I did whether it be school, cheerleading, track, basketball, teaching, and becoming a mother. She was right there in my corner encouraging me and cheering me on. I was the first person in my family to graduate from college, heck to even go to college! She wanted the world for me and worked so hard to make sure I got it. When I had my first child, a boy, she was over the moon! OVER. THE. MOON. with him. John Robert was born 2 years after her son was killed in the construction accident. Then Katelyn came along a short 13 months later and the two of them had her totally wrapped around their fingers. Her health was beginning to decline a little bit when Jared was born in 1993 and a bit more by the time Jacob came along in '96. However, she still visited with us and stayed with us for a couple of weeks at a time. We would have a grand time together. She loved my children with the same fierceness in which she loved me. The circle was unbroken.
I think of my Nannie all the time, but more so every August 13th or September 19th. She was an amazing woman. She was built to last. Built to survive and I feel she passed these traits along to me. I want to continue to make her proud of me. I want to survive whatever comes my way, and I will because of her and what she instilled in me so long ago. Sometimes those things take awhile to come to the surface. We don't realize we have that inner strength, determination, drive, and once we do realize it, we're like, "Where did that come from?" I know where mine comes from now. She loved me with a fierceness I couldn't quite understand, but now I love my own children with that same fierceness. I get it. Nannie, I get it now. Thank you for taking in a little rambunctious 3-year-old girl and loving her to pieces. Thank you for my roots and my wings to fly. I love you and we will see each other again someday. Until then...
May we all love fiercely,
D~
It has now been ten years since she left us for mansions and streets of gold and glorious hallelujahs. How happy she must be! How happy she must've been that night--the night she took her last breath and was escorted by Angels into heaven's gates. She was welcomed with God's open arms and choirs of Angels singing the most beautiful Welcome Home music. She was reunited with her son and daughter, her husband and brothers and sisters and so many others. How could that not be the most wondrous of Homecomings! Her body here was just a shell of the vibrant woman she once was, so why stay here when she could have everything?!
Nannie was my mother and my grandmother. She raised me along with my grandfather. My mother died when I was three so at the age of 45 she took on a 3-year-old after having raised three children of her own. Nannie was one of 12 children. She was #3 born September 19, 1917. The highest grade she completed in school was the sixth grade. She had a rough upbringing and an even scarier first marriage. At times she even feared for her life and the safety of her children. My grandmother gathered up enough nerve to leave him. One day while he was gone, she ran away with the 3 kids. Where she went with them, I don't know. I do know she worked like a slave to provide for herself and for them. Then one glorious day she met my grandfather who was the best thing that ever happened to her and the kids. They got married and he treated those children like his own. Then I came along and he loved me too and he became my hero. I had two heroes. I wish I had appreciated them more when I was growing up, but I guess that is part of childhood. Kids don't realize what their parents go through, endure, sacrifice, all for them. Oh, how we hurt our parents, but they keep it to themselves, loving us no matter what we do or say. Why? Love, pure unconditional love. I get it now. I so get it. My grandparents were my saving grace. My life line. My ticket to a rich full life. A fantastic childhood filled with family, togetherness, a safe haven, and so much love.
My grandmother was the bravest strongest woman I have ever known or will know. She gave me my roots and sense of belonging and taught me the meaning of family and loyalty and how to survive great loss and heartbreak, but above all else, love. Oh, how she loved me! There was never a day that I didn't feel loved by both of my grandparents. I can honestly say that I was told every day of my life, "I love you." Not just once, but many times. That is a gift. A supreme gift that was freely given to me thus allowing me to flourish and have dreams and wings to fly. You see my grandmother lost 2 of her 3 children in horrific accidents. My mother, at age 21, in a car accident and my uncle at age 44, in a terrible construction accident. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children, yet she had to find a way to survive every day without two of hers. The flesh of her flesh. The bone of her bones. I think about that and what enormous inner strength it took for her to continue living. Strength to get up in the morning and face another day without her babies. In the case of my mother, I think she did it for me. She had me to raise and look after and she couldn't do that if she was incapacitated and unable to function on a daily basis. I did see breakdowns over the years. Who could help it? She was very protective and many times that annoyed me to no end, but now I understand why. She survived the greatest losses and deepest heartbreaks a person can possibly endure all the while teaching me how to be strong and courageous and brave. I'm sure she didn't even realize the enormity of her life lessons. The profound impact her life would have on mine.
I miss her. I need her. I want to feel her arms wrapped all around me and hear her say, "I love you so much and everything is going to be alright." Then I would believe it because I believed in her and I believed what she told me was truth. I know she would make sure of it or do all in her power to make it so. No matter how old we get, we still want/need our "moms," or in my case, my Nannie. She really taught me so many things. I wish I could just sit beside her and tell her all that I have learned from her--all that she has given me. Her example, her lessons, her love, it grounded me and helped form the person I am today. She gave me my faith (in a sense). Her love has made me strong, given me the courage never to give up, given me the will to survive no matter the obstacles. (a long list) Nannie was a true fighter. She dug in when she had to or was forced to and I admired her for it. She taught me to do the same. Kids really do watch and learn.
I know she was proud of me. She also told me that every day. She supported me in everything I did whether it be school, cheerleading, track, basketball, teaching, and becoming a mother. She was right there in my corner encouraging me and cheering me on. I was the first person in my family to graduate from college, heck to even go to college! She wanted the world for me and worked so hard to make sure I got it. When I had my first child, a boy, she was over the moon! OVER. THE. MOON. with him. John Robert was born 2 years after her son was killed in the construction accident. Then Katelyn came along a short 13 months later and the two of them had her totally wrapped around their fingers. Her health was beginning to decline a little bit when Jared was born in 1993 and a bit more by the time Jacob came along in '96. However, she still visited with us and stayed with us for a couple of weeks at a time. We would have a grand time together. She loved my children with the same fierceness in which she loved me. The circle was unbroken.
I think of my Nannie all the time, but more so every August 13th or September 19th. She was an amazing woman. She was built to last. Built to survive and I feel she passed these traits along to me. I want to continue to make her proud of me. I want to survive whatever comes my way, and I will because of her and what she instilled in me so long ago. Sometimes those things take awhile to come to the surface. We don't realize we have that inner strength, determination, drive, and once we do realize it, we're like, "Where did that come from?" I know where mine comes from now. She loved me with a fierceness I couldn't quite understand, but now I love my own children with that same fierceness. I get it. Nannie, I get it now. Thank you for taking in a little rambunctious 3-year-old girl and loving her to pieces. Thank you for my roots and my wings to fly. I love you and we will see each other again someday. Until then...
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| My Nannie and Me |
May we all love fiercely,
D~
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