I've Got the Music in Me

Music... it has been a part of my life ever since I can remember anything. My grandmother used to sing to me with I was a baby up through little girl stage. She would play her vinyls on this huge record player cabinet thing. It was seriously 8 feet long! Her records were all gospel. I still have them. Groups like the Gaithers, The Happy Goodman Family, Elvis Presley, The Oak Ridge Boys, The Kingsmen, Statler Brothers, Loretta Lynn, Johnny Cash, and others I can't remember. She began my love for Elvis and Johnny with their gospel songs. When I was a little girl, my grandmother would take me to revivals and gospel sings, you know the kind where Quartets were popular? I didn't realize it then, but the harmony of those singers was truly amazing. Oh, it was country singin', but it was good singin'! People clapped and sang and swayed and moved to the rhythm--got happy, that's for sure. I learned to sing all the gospel hymns by memory and I loved them-still do. I have my favorites like, I'll Fly Away, Amazing Grace, How Great Thou Art, The Old Rugged Cross, I Won't Have to Cross Jordan Alone, Are You Washed in the Blood, and In the Sweet By and By. If you want to get a good taste of some good ole southern gospel, listen here. It is a great mix of some of the "best."

As I got older, my music tastes became my own. I loved me some Donny Osmond and Bobby Sherman and David Cassidy. I even had the giant posters to prove it.  I grew up in the 70's and 80's so that genre of music is still my favorite to this day. I love Disco, Old Time Rock and Roll, Funk, Country, Motown; my tastes are varied. My favorite band is Fleetwood Mac (and once upon a time it was The Jackson 5). I love some good AC/DC, Queen, Journey, Styx, the Eagles, Rick Springfield, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, REO Speedwagon, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts, a little Credence Clearwater Revival from time to time. I like some Donna Summer, KC and the Sunshine Band, Kool and the Gang, Whitney Huston, Aretha...Holy Smokes! I could go on with this forever. Growing up in Asheville, I listened to one station all.the.time. It was 99.9 and the DJ at that time was Sid the Surf. The Top 40 Countdown was a must to listen to every weekend with Casey Kasem. I love music. Mind you, I can't sing a lick, but I sing anyway. I probably can't tell you who sings every song, but I bet I can sing it if you give me a few lines as long as there's music to go with it! ha Music makes me happy. It is uplifting and inspiring and sometimes soul searching. It can make me cry, laugh, dance, or shout for joy. Music is celebratory; it can be a warning or a greeting or a death march. It is the sound of victory or defeat. Music is for lovers. It can cause me to go weak in the knees. It can put me into a sassy or seductive state of mind. Music, to me, is a friend, a lover, a confidant. It's good company. It soothes when sad; it soothes when agitated. It's a "pick-me-up" and it gets me excited and gives me energy. Music brings on impulsive dance parties, solo or not. Music is a form of thankfulness and praise; a way to speak to God with an open heart. A wonderful way to worship. Music/certain songs bring specific people to mind, select memories and times...moments. I just love music. My life would be very sad without it.

Over the last year, the last few months particularly, I've taken some songs and made them my anthems so to speak. My victory songs if you will. This song, Fight Song by Rachel Platten, is fantastic, When I heard it and really listened to the words, I was in a very dark place. I had basically given up on life being anything other than sad and regretful. This song pumped me back up. I know some of my faithful readers haven't heard this song or perhaps haven't paid it much attention so I am going to type the words for you and give you a link to go take a listen.

"Like a small boat on the ocean sending big waves into motion
Like a single word can make a heart open
I might only have one match but I can make an explosion! And all those things I didn't say, 
Wrecking balls inside my brain.  I will scream them loud tonight! Can you hear my voice this time?
THIS IS MY FIGHT SONG. TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG.PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG!
My power's turned on. Starting right now I'll be strong.  I'll play my fight song and I don't really care if nobody else believes cause I'VE STILL GOT A LOT OF FIGHT LEFT IN ME!
Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep, everybody's worried about me.
In too deep, say I'm in too deep...
It's been two years, I miss my home. There's a fire burning in my bones.
Still believe, yeah, I still believe all those things I didn't say, wrecking balls inside my brain. I will scream them loud tonight. Can you hear my voice this time? THIS IS MY FIGHT SONG..."

I listened to this song over and over, and each time I just wanted to throw my fist up in the air and say, "YEAH!" Actually, I did do just that! This song was empowering for me. I had kept things in for so long. I wouldn't say how I really felt; I couldn't express how I was made to feel about myself. I lived life a really long time doing what was expected of me; pushing hurt and doubt way down deep, so far that I managed to pretend it didn't exist anymore. I was good at it. So I took this song to heart and told myself, "Enough is enough! I CAN do this. I WILL do this and I don't care if anybody believes I can or not. I am going to believe it." And it's true, I might have only one match, but I can make an explosion! Sit back and watch.

Then I heard this song by Reba... It's called Out Like That.  Now all these words don't resonate with my life, but some definitely do, so I like it and sing it loud and proud. Here ya go...

"It's been awhile since she put that red dress on and slipped into those high heels. She's got a couple new guys blowing up her phone and she loves the way that, that feels. You'd never know she was going through a break up. Not a single tear messing up her make-up! He thought she'd be sittin' home cryin'... She ain't goin' out like that! She's had enough of feelin' like dyin'... She ain't goin' out like that! Hey, Everybody, here comes the life of the party. Yeah, he might have left her brokenhearted, but she ain't goin' out like that. She's got her hands up dancin' like the floor's on fire. She's the hottest thing in here. Guess she finally got tired of being sick and tired. Now she's lookin' like she don't care. If she was hurtin' well she must've forgot. Cause she's smiling while she's throwing back shots. He thought she'd be sittin' home cryin'... She ain't goin' out like that!..."

So I thought, why not go out if the opportunity presents itself? No reason in the world, why I shouldn't or couldn't. There's lots of fun to be had out there. I should be a part of that because I do love some fun!Who knows what destiny, what serendipitous moments await? My Sanctuary is out there somewhere! I want to find him or rather he to find me. I AM sick and tired of being sick and tired and I've certainly had enough of feeling like dying. Done. Finished. I ain't goin' out like that!! Nope.

And I love this song by Kenny Chesney. It's "Save it for a Rainy Day." Listen to Kenny...
"It's no secret that lately there ain't no escaping that I've been waking up alone.  Just me and the TV and a sinking feeling that you ain't ever coming home. But today the tears ain't gonna hit the floor cause the boats in the bay and it's calling my name and I'm headed on out the door. Cause the sun's too bright, the sky's too blue, beer's too cold to be thinkin' bout you. Gonna take this heartbreak and tuck it away... Save it for a rainy day. When I turned the ignition I knew I'd been missin' the feel of the wind on my face.  I was stuck in a habit of wonderin' what happened--too busy takin' all the blame. But a drink, or two there's a foolproof remedy. It's a beautiful world with a beautiful girl (guy) kinda makin' eyes at me. Cause the sun's too bright, the sky's too blue. Beer's too cold to be thinkin' bout you. Gonna take this heartbreak and tuck it away...Save it for a rainy day. Yeah, the music's too good, My friends are all out And they're all too high to be bringin' em down. If they ask about you, I got nothin' to say. I'll save it for a rainy day. There'll be plenty of time for what if's and why's and how I'd let you get away. But the lying in the bed all stuck in my head is just gonna have to wait! Cause the SUN'S TOO BRIGHT, THE SKY'S TOO BLUE!!! 

Eventually that is just what I did. I had to take all that heartbreak and put it away, tuck it away somewhere b/c if I didn't, it was going to kill me. The hurt was too deep and I was weary of carrying all that pain--just flat out tired. The months and months of "bad" had taken its toll and I realized the more time I wallowed, the more time I spent in the abyss, the likelihood of getting out was becoming slimmer and slimmer. Save it for a Rainy Day helped kickstart my return to the sunshine. I'm sure you know what it feels like to release something, whether it be anger, hurt, grief, whatever... Once I let go and stopped white knuckling all that mess, I was free. It felt as if 1000 tons of pure sludge was lifted off of me. I love this crazy beautiful world and I want to be a part of it. I want to be IN it and savor all that's out there. I'd also like to go to that island and sit in the blue chair and drink Blue Chair Coconut Rum! Just sayin'.

One last song I just have to share... Andy Grammer's hit song called "Good To Be Alive." (click on the title to listen) Ohhhh, my goodness! I LOVE this song. I am a new-ish Andy Grammer lover. I feel like I am his biggest fan now. I heard this song one day and could not stop dancing and singing. The words are perfect too. 

I've been grinding so long trying this shit for years, and I've got nothing to show just climbing this rope right here. And if there's a man upstairs, he kept bringing me rain. But I've been sending up prayers and something's changed... I think I finally found my HALLELUJAH!  I've been waiting for this moment all my life, now all my dreams are coming true, ya... I've been waiting for this moment...And it's good to be alive right about now. Good Good Good Good to be alive right about now! Hallelujah, let that bass line move ya, say yeah....It's good to be alive right about now! I was dead in the water, nobody wanted me. I was old news. I went cold as cold can be, but I kept throwing on coal tryna make that fire burn-uh huh-Sometimes you gotta get scars to get what you deserve. I  kept moving on and now I'm moving up. Damn, I'm feeling blessed with all this love! I think I finally found my Hallelujah. I've been waiting for this moment all my life, now all my dreams are coming true, ya... I almost cannot handle it. I could get used to this. I think I finally found my Hallelujah! It's good to be alive right about now!

You really must listen to the song. It is very catchy and it just puts you in a good mood. I can't say all my dreams are coming true--YET--but what I can say, is the dreams are still alive.  Being "dead in the water" and feeling unwanted is no fun. Now I feel like I am at least climbing UP the mountain instead of being trapped at the bottom with no lifeline. There is some truth to the statement, "I've been waiting for this moment all my life." I feel like all my life I've been someone else, lived my life according to what I thought I was supposed to do, should do, expected to do and because of that I've missed out on a whole lot of amazing or what could have been amazing. I lost/let go relationships and people I really cared about/that meant something to me. I've missed opportunities b/c I was too chicken to act or someone thought it "wasn't for me"--"That's not you. You don't do that kind of thing." Now I'm like, "what the heck was wrong with me back then?" Today I have a another chance to BE ME with no holds barred, no restrictions, no limits, no preconceived notions of what I should be or should not be. I can be ME-whatever that is. I'm finding out. I'm learning and growing and experiencing life on my terms and in my way, including a lot of mistakes, but that's OK. How will I know if I don't try? If there is one thing I could teach my daughter it would be, be your own beautiful self, not who everyone expects you to be, and that includes me, dad, family, etc... Discover who you are and who you want to be before you bring a husband and children into the mix of your life. I had dreams as a young girl, but I didn't seek them out. I didn't "go for it." I should have been brave and courageous, but I wasn't. MY GIRL, you be brave! Discover yourself and go for it! The only limitations we have are the ones we put on ourselves. 

So let's all go out and sing our Hallelujahs and shout, "It's good to be alive right about now!" 

Wooohooo!!

D~

PS. I don't know why I can't get rid of all the blue writing. I've tried a million times. Oh, well. Hope you don't mind.