A Day for Cleaning Out Crap
This post is going to be short and sweet, but I just felt the need to write "something" today. Anything.
Last week was our very first family vacation in this new way of life. All the kids and me. It was wonderful. Anyway, today is another day. It happens to be August 3. I got married on August 3, 1984. Today would have been our anniversary, our 32nd anniversary. This is not a post about how sad I am or how I'm drowning in the memories. It's a post about cleaning out the crap in every sense of the word.
I have spent two days this week at our old house... I will call it the Bridgewood House (that's the name of the street). J has now moved out and living in another city. My oldest son has moved out and now living in his own apartment in Clemmons. My youngest son is the only one at the house now and he isn't going to go easy. He is latching on and refusing to leave until he absolutely has to go. This may be the last week he is there. There isn't much left at that house. However, I still had a lot of stuff there--too much really. The house is FINALLY going on the market August 8th, and all my things have to be out.
I was there on Monday. I spent a good 4 1/2 hours going through things, throwing away things, and filling my car with Goodwill things. When I'm there, it is painful. It's a heart pain. What I tell myself is this, "This house is only a shell. It is not a home anymore. What once was is now gone. Get in. Get your stuff. Get out." I try not to linger. I try not to walk into each room and remember our family times, what room each child slept in, or how that big oak table was the scene of many many family meals, birthday dinners, holiday dinners, etc... For the most part, I do really well. I got a good bit accomplished on Monday, but not all. It just so happened that I had the time today (August 3) to go over to the house while no one was there, and get the rest of my things.
I spent another 4 hours there. I got it done today. I mean, I went into high gear because I couldn't take another day to be there and pack and think and remember and see the mess of a house that was once a beautiful home. Truth is, that house is disgusting. It is so dirty. It needs many repairs and just plain work... painting, fixing, replacing doors, and CLEANING. It's sad for me to see it this way. But guess what? It's not my problem. Nope. It all should have been done over a year ago. Now it's crunch time and Boy ain't got it together.
I cleaned out an entire storage closet. Stuff that had not been touched in years!! I filled my car up with a huge load and I took it all to Goodwill. I even got rid of some of the kids' baby things that I had been holding onto... for what I don't know, so I just gave it away. I then drove back to the house and filled my car up with what I wanted to keep and I threw the rest away. Law, it felt good! It felt like throwing away very heavy baggage. I was working. I was sweating. I was getting it done. I was cleaning out the corners of my heart.
At around 3:15pm, I took one last look, closed the garage door for the last time, got in my car and drove out of that driveway knowing I was leaving behind a huge chapter of my life, but not the memories. I will always have those. I was closing one door and driving out of Bridgewood Rd. and Clemmons West with nothing but a blank slate. As the saying goes, "The world is my oyster." It's all out there for me to find and discover and soak in. Soak it all in. Wow! That's crazy. There's just a wide open road in front of me. Yes, it's scary in some ways, but it is also super exciting and it fills me with a certain energy, positive sunshine filled energy.
What could have been a disastrous day turned out to be a productive day in so many ways. Today was my would-be anniversary but it was so much more. I cleaned the crap out. I did and it was good. It felt good not to care or hold onto things for dear life. Oh, I know there will be times the hurt will eek in at unexpected times and catch me off guard, but that's Okay. I know I can deal with it and move on. I have made progress. Huge steps in this healing process. I am proud of me. I know there is work yet to be done toward complete healing, but I am so much closer than I was yesterday.
August 3rd...not a problem. I lived. I conquered. Kinda like hitting the reset button. I am now "Reset."
D~
Last week was our very first family vacation in this new way of life. All the kids and me. It was wonderful. Anyway, today is another day. It happens to be August 3. I got married on August 3, 1984. Today would have been our anniversary, our 32nd anniversary. This is not a post about how sad I am or how I'm drowning in the memories. It's a post about cleaning out the crap in every sense of the word.
I have spent two days this week at our old house... I will call it the Bridgewood House (that's the name of the street). J has now moved out and living in another city. My oldest son has moved out and now living in his own apartment in Clemmons. My youngest son is the only one at the house now and he isn't going to go easy. He is latching on and refusing to leave until he absolutely has to go. This may be the last week he is there. There isn't much left at that house. However, I still had a lot of stuff there--too much really. The house is FINALLY going on the market August 8th, and all my things have to be out.
I was there on Monday. I spent a good 4 1/2 hours going through things, throwing away things, and filling my car with Goodwill things. When I'm there, it is painful. It's a heart pain. What I tell myself is this, "This house is only a shell. It is not a home anymore. What once was is now gone. Get in. Get your stuff. Get out." I try not to linger. I try not to walk into each room and remember our family times, what room each child slept in, or how that big oak table was the scene of many many family meals, birthday dinners, holiday dinners, etc... For the most part, I do really well. I got a good bit accomplished on Monday, but not all. It just so happened that I had the time today (August 3) to go over to the house while no one was there, and get the rest of my things.
I spent another 4 hours there. I got it done today. I mean, I went into high gear because I couldn't take another day to be there and pack and think and remember and see the mess of a house that was once a beautiful home. Truth is, that house is disgusting. It is so dirty. It needs many repairs and just plain work... painting, fixing, replacing doors, and CLEANING. It's sad for me to see it this way. But guess what? It's not my problem. Nope. It all should have been done over a year ago. Now it's crunch time and Boy ain't got it together.
I cleaned out an entire storage closet. Stuff that had not been touched in years!! I filled my car up with a huge load and I took it all to Goodwill. I even got rid of some of the kids' baby things that I had been holding onto... for what I don't know, so I just gave it away. I then drove back to the house and filled my car up with what I wanted to keep and I threw the rest away. Law, it felt good! It felt like throwing away very heavy baggage. I was working. I was sweating. I was getting it done. I was cleaning out the corners of my heart.
At around 3:15pm, I took one last look, closed the garage door for the last time, got in my car and drove out of that driveway knowing I was leaving behind a huge chapter of my life, but not the memories. I will always have those. I was closing one door and driving out of Bridgewood Rd. and Clemmons West with nothing but a blank slate. As the saying goes, "The world is my oyster." It's all out there for me to find and discover and soak in. Soak it all in. Wow! That's crazy. There's just a wide open road in front of me. Yes, it's scary in some ways, but it is also super exciting and it fills me with a certain energy, positive sunshine filled energy.
What could have been a disastrous day turned out to be a productive day in so many ways. Today was my would-be anniversary but it was so much more. I cleaned the crap out. I did and it was good. It felt good not to care or hold onto things for dear life. Oh, I know there will be times the hurt will eek in at unexpected times and catch me off guard, but that's Okay. I know I can deal with it and move on. I have made progress. Huge steps in this healing process. I am proud of me. I know there is work yet to be done toward complete healing, but I am so much closer than I was yesterday.
August 3rd...not a problem. I lived. I conquered. Kinda like hitting the reset button. I am now "Reset."
D~
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