A Disturbing Truth
This week an eleven year old boy committed suicide. He hung himself. This was right here in our amazing little town, a town where a great majority are affluent people, middle class people, family oriented, hard working, we love our neighbors kind of people. We have an incredible Little League and we have Pop Warner Football and we have Friday Night Lights mentality when it comes to our high school teams. We have a brand new Krispy Kreme where the locals camped out for days waiting for opening day just because it was something fun to do with their kids or their friends. Yet we had this horrific tragedy occur only a few days ago and the ripple effects of this will continue out into our community in ways we will never know or understand.
My heart is saddened that a vibrant 11 year old boy, youngest of four children--only boy with three sisters, felt that the only relief from whatever, would be to kill himself. I simply cannot wrap my mind around it. What on earth could have been so bad that this CHILD took his own life? HOW did he even know to take his own life? He's ELEVEN years old!! Think back to when you were eleven. Sure we did stupid stuff like jump off a back deck onto a trampoline, or jump from a hotel balcony into a pool, or run wild throughout the mall after it closed, or rang people's doorbells and ran, or picked random telephone numbers out of the phone book and said dumb things like, "Your refrigerator is running. You better go catch it." Maybe we even cheated on a spelling test or snuck out the back door of church to kiss a boy we were majorly crushing on! Such small insignificant things but to us, as an 11 year old kid, we thought we were really breaking some rules and we were proud of ourselves for being such "bad asses." Well, what a joke compared to today's eleven year old kid shenanigans!
This week at school I had to deal with a five year old throwing the most absurd, unbelievable, tantrums. This kid came to my classroom on the 31st day of school. Since then, nearly every day that he has been present,he has cried, thrown a fit, something, because he doesn't want to leave Mom. He apparently has severe Separation Anxiety, the likes of which I have never seen in my life! He also did this at the previous school he attended. Let's just say for the sake of not revealing true identity, we shall call him "Larry." A little background on "Larry"... he is five, very small, Hispanic, doesn't speak much English and doesn't really comprehend the academic side of things very well. He is extremely quiet, doesn't participate in many activities, and seems to live for the end of the school day. A typical day would include me pulling him off of his brother or mother, going to the office and carrying him back to my room kicking and screaming, then getting in the room and having to stand guard at the door so he can't escape, holding him as tightly as possible so he won't kick the mess out of me or putting him in the back of the room with my assistant keeping watch while he wears himself out and eventually falls asleep all the while I try to teach, rather distract 16 other students in an attempt to keep things "normal." However, in the last few weeks he has escalated to more extreme behaviors. Now I call my AP to come get him and he stays in her office having his meltdowns, screaming, wildly flailing arms trying to rip down the window blinds, stomping his feet until he completely exhausts himself and falls asleep on the floor where he promptly sleeps for the rest of the day. He usually doesn't come back to my classroom. So in essence, he is being babysat by an AP who has far too many other things she needs to be doing, more important school things begging for her attention, but here she is with Larry. Tuesday, he was in my room doing all of this crazy and he actually attempted to bite me! First time a child has ever tried to bite me. He thankfully got my shirt instead of my skin. He took both of his fists and pounded me as hard as he could. He took both of his hands and pushed on my throat so hard that my head was pushed back as far as it would go. He kicked me. I had to ask my assistant to call the AP ASAP and it took the two of us to get him in a position to be carried out of the room. Let me just say, I was BEYOND at that point. I then had to regain some sense of composure and continue teaching like "no big deal." Larry was suspended for "two days" because he "put his hands on me" and when he came back he did the exact same thing again. He was again sent home. I am told I will have him for the rest of the year. There's nothing to do about it. Keep in mind that the kids will be returning to school on Wednesday after a very long weekend break. Basically, we will be starting over again with Larry. Pray for my attitude concerning Larry. Right now, I don't ever want to see him again! What I haven't mentioned is all that I HAVE done to help him adjust and acclimate to being at school all day. How I've soothed and placated and bribed and rewarded and shown a bottomless well of patience and understanding, but now, well, anyhoo...
Someone told me "his home life must be a mess." It may be a mess but there is no reason, no excuse not to teach your child respect. It doesn't matter what the home life may or may not be; a parent's responsibility is to teach, to enforce rules, life rules and skills on how to cope without attempting to physically harm another human being. Ok, so that's my Larry. What about the thousands and thousands of other kids who are out there with no supervision, no parents to teach them right from wrong, or they have parents who spend little to no time with them. Home life that is beyond pitiful. So many children have a tough row to hoe and some cave under the pressure and neglect and others survive, going on to be successful adults. It's those that don't have that drive and determination and help that has me concerned and should concern you too. These are kids who will one day be adults in charge of the world. It's scary! I could go on and on about this, but my point is, this generation of kids is different from the likes of anything I've ever seen. There seems to be no accountability, no sense of obligation to family, adults, superiors, teachers, supervisors, etc... It's like these kids have some sort of air as if the world owes them something rather than a responsibility to work hard and earn what one gets, is deserving of. Mind you, I am speaking in generalities. Not all children these days are this way. I know some amazing young people. These amazing youth have an amazing support system too. There really is something to be said for "the Village" way of thinking.
I suppose I'm feeling discouraged about our up and coming generation due to Larry, due to all that I see on a daily basis in our schools; I see this stuff first hand. I am also saddened that a child so young would take his own life. Kill himself. Snuff out his life in a terrible moment of ??? what??? I don't know. It boggles the mind. I am heartbroken for his parents and sisters and friends and all who knew him. It leaves a terrible trail of devastation and a blow this poor family will likely never recover from.This boy, Sam, should be playing with his Legos and building all kinds of imaginative wonders. He should be going to his Boy Scout meeting next week and playing with his best friend in the fort they built together. He should be going to school and doing his 5th grade homework. He should be sitting around the dinner table with his family. Instead his family will be trying to figure out how to live each day without him. Only two years ago, a 15 year old former student I taught in 4th grade, did the same thing. He took his own life. He hung himself out in some neighborhood woods. What is it that is so horrific in these children's lives that the only way out of it is to die? They CHOOSE it. Both of these boys chose death over life. That's got to be some real bad stuff.
We just don't know what these kids are dealing with on a daily basis. We don't know. This world is broken. It's cruel and unforgiving. It's hard; life is real hard. Life is also crazy beautiful and full of color and wonders and untold treasures. It's awesome and challenging and incredibly wonderful and it's also tough to navigate sometimes, but it's worth it. The journey is so worth it! It makes a huge difference to have PEOPLE in your life who support, love, encourage, just plain BE THERE for you. We have to BE THERE for the children, the young people, who will, God willing, be successful adults living their dreams and becoming leaders that direct and guide our world into a brighter future. Be a positive influence. Be a role model. If you have any children in your lives, TEACH THEM, SHOW THEM, what it means to be respectful to adults, to other human beings in general. Teach them responsibility and a work ethic they can be proud of. They are owed nothing! Hard work and integrity will take them to their dreams. We need to instill a sense of humility, a sense of right and wrong, values, morals, belief in a Power far greater than themselves-to have FAITH. Faith is believing what the eye cannot see.Teach them that life is a gift. It is a wondrous gift never to be taken for granted. Be involved and present. If there is one piece of advise I could give the parents of the students I teach, it would be just that... BE PRESENT/BE INVOLVED! Give them yourselves. It's all they really want or need.
Keep Sam's family in your thoughts and prayers. Keep all the children in your thoughts and prayers.
Treasure yours. Never miss a chance to say "I love you."
D~
My heart is saddened that a vibrant 11 year old boy, youngest of four children--only boy with three sisters, felt that the only relief from whatever, would be to kill himself. I simply cannot wrap my mind around it. What on earth could have been so bad that this CHILD took his own life? HOW did he even know to take his own life? He's ELEVEN years old!! Think back to when you were eleven. Sure we did stupid stuff like jump off a back deck onto a trampoline, or jump from a hotel balcony into a pool, or run wild throughout the mall after it closed, or rang people's doorbells and ran, or picked random telephone numbers out of the phone book and said dumb things like, "Your refrigerator is running. You better go catch it." Maybe we even cheated on a spelling test or snuck out the back door of church to kiss a boy we were majorly crushing on! Such small insignificant things but to us, as an 11 year old kid, we thought we were really breaking some rules and we were proud of ourselves for being such "bad asses." Well, what a joke compared to today's eleven year old kid shenanigans!
This week at school I had to deal with a five year old throwing the most absurd, unbelievable, tantrums. This kid came to my classroom on the 31st day of school. Since then, nearly every day that he has been present,he has cried, thrown a fit, something, because he doesn't want to leave Mom. He apparently has severe Separation Anxiety, the likes of which I have never seen in my life! He also did this at the previous school he attended. Let's just say for the sake of not revealing true identity, we shall call him "Larry." A little background on "Larry"... he is five, very small, Hispanic, doesn't speak much English and doesn't really comprehend the academic side of things very well. He is extremely quiet, doesn't participate in many activities, and seems to live for the end of the school day. A typical day would include me pulling him off of his brother or mother, going to the office and carrying him back to my room kicking and screaming, then getting in the room and having to stand guard at the door so he can't escape, holding him as tightly as possible so he won't kick the mess out of me or putting him in the back of the room with my assistant keeping watch while he wears himself out and eventually falls asleep all the while I try to teach, rather distract 16 other students in an attempt to keep things "normal." However, in the last few weeks he has escalated to more extreme behaviors. Now I call my AP to come get him and he stays in her office having his meltdowns, screaming, wildly flailing arms trying to rip down the window blinds, stomping his feet until he completely exhausts himself and falls asleep on the floor where he promptly sleeps for the rest of the day. He usually doesn't come back to my classroom. So in essence, he is being babysat by an AP who has far too many other things she needs to be doing, more important school things begging for her attention, but here she is with Larry. Tuesday, he was in my room doing all of this crazy and he actually attempted to bite me! First time a child has ever tried to bite me. He thankfully got my shirt instead of my skin. He took both of his fists and pounded me as hard as he could. He took both of his hands and pushed on my throat so hard that my head was pushed back as far as it would go. He kicked me. I had to ask my assistant to call the AP ASAP and it took the two of us to get him in a position to be carried out of the room. Let me just say, I was BEYOND at that point. I then had to regain some sense of composure and continue teaching like "no big deal." Larry was suspended for "two days" because he "put his hands on me" and when he came back he did the exact same thing again. He was again sent home. I am told I will have him for the rest of the year. There's nothing to do about it. Keep in mind that the kids will be returning to school on Wednesday after a very long weekend break. Basically, we will be starting over again with Larry. Pray for my attitude concerning Larry. Right now, I don't ever want to see him again! What I haven't mentioned is all that I HAVE done to help him adjust and acclimate to being at school all day. How I've soothed and placated and bribed and rewarded and shown a bottomless well of patience and understanding, but now, well, anyhoo...
Someone told me "his home life must be a mess." It may be a mess but there is no reason, no excuse not to teach your child respect. It doesn't matter what the home life may or may not be; a parent's responsibility is to teach, to enforce rules, life rules and skills on how to cope without attempting to physically harm another human being. Ok, so that's my Larry. What about the thousands and thousands of other kids who are out there with no supervision, no parents to teach them right from wrong, or they have parents who spend little to no time with them. Home life that is beyond pitiful. So many children have a tough row to hoe and some cave under the pressure and neglect and others survive, going on to be successful adults. It's those that don't have that drive and determination and help that has me concerned and should concern you too. These are kids who will one day be adults in charge of the world. It's scary! I could go on and on about this, but my point is, this generation of kids is different from the likes of anything I've ever seen. There seems to be no accountability, no sense of obligation to family, adults, superiors, teachers, supervisors, etc... It's like these kids have some sort of air as if the world owes them something rather than a responsibility to work hard and earn what one gets, is deserving of. Mind you, I am speaking in generalities. Not all children these days are this way. I know some amazing young people. These amazing youth have an amazing support system too. There really is something to be said for "the Village" way of thinking.
I suppose I'm feeling discouraged about our up and coming generation due to Larry, due to all that I see on a daily basis in our schools; I see this stuff first hand. I am also saddened that a child so young would take his own life. Kill himself. Snuff out his life in a terrible moment of ??? what??? I don't know. It boggles the mind. I am heartbroken for his parents and sisters and friends and all who knew him. It leaves a terrible trail of devastation and a blow this poor family will likely never recover from.This boy, Sam, should be playing with his Legos and building all kinds of imaginative wonders. He should be going to his Boy Scout meeting next week and playing with his best friend in the fort they built together. He should be going to school and doing his 5th grade homework. He should be sitting around the dinner table with his family. Instead his family will be trying to figure out how to live each day without him. Only two years ago, a 15 year old former student I taught in 4th grade, did the same thing. He took his own life. He hung himself out in some neighborhood woods. What is it that is so horrific in these children's lives that the only way out of it is to die? They CHOOSE it. Both of these boys chose death over life. That's got to be some real bad stuff.
We just don't know what these kids are dealing with on a daily basis. We don't know. This world is broken. It's cruel and unforgiving. It's hard; life is real hard. Life is also crazy beautiful and full of color and wonders and untold treasures. It's awesome and challenging and incredibly wonderful and it's also tough to navigate sometimes, but it's worth it. The journey is so worth it! It makes a huge difference to have PEOPLE in your life who support, love, encourage, just plain BE THERE for you. We have to BE THERE for the children, the young people, who will, God willing, be successful adults living their dreams and becoming leaders that direct and guide our world into a brighter future. Be a positive influence. Be a role model. If you have any children in your lives, TEACH THEM, SHOW THEM, what it means to be respectful to adults, to other human beings in general. Teach them responsibility and a work ethic they can be proud of. They are owed nothing! Hard work and integrity will take them to their dreams. We need to instill a sense of humility, a sense of right and wrong, values, morals, belief in a Power far greater than themselves-to have FAITH. Faith is believing what the eye cannot see.Teach them that life is a gift. It is a wondrous gift never to be taken for granted. Be involved and present. If there is one piece of advise I could give the parents of the students I teach, it would be just that... BE PRESENT/BE INVOLVED! Give them yourselves. It's all they really want or need.
Keep Sam's family in your thoughts and prayers. Keep all the children in your thoughts and prayers.
Treasure yours. Never miss a chance to say "I love you."
D~
This is very well stated. It is terribly sad to hear of so many children being unhappy in what should be the happiest most carefree time in their lives.
ReplyDeleteWe must all share in this responsibility first with our own children and then in making a difference in any child's life that we are allowed to touch. We must encourage children to choose happiness.
Thanks Dawn for bringing up a topic that is so difficult to understand.