Ya Get Punched Sometimes

It happened. That moment you know that is bound to happen but you are so not ready for? You know "that moment." For those of you who have been divorced or been in long term relationships that have ended, you know this moment.  It's called "The Other Woman Moment."

I don't care if my divorce is final. I don't care that J and I haven't been "together" in 3 years. I don't care that this is all part of the process. It just doesn't matter. When you find out there's someone else, it's a sucker punch and it hurts like the dickens! It just does. It happened to me just a few short weeks ago.

I had just gotten back into town from an Asheville visit and I needed to drop some things off at the "other house." This was not just a drop in unannounced visit. I had talked to J only a few days before and told him I would be by the house on Sunday afternoon. Well, he didn't remember that fact. As I drove down the street toward the house, I noticed an unfamiliar car in the driveway. Oh, you know where this is going, right? The only thing that saved me from walking into the house was the fact that the unfamiliar car had a WV license plate AND it was a vanity plate as well!! The vanity plate was not some weird concoction of letters and numbers that is code for some phrase, it was actually a name. The full name. I didn't have to guess whose car it was. I KNEW! I know this woman! I've been to her house (years ago). We are friends on Facebook! WHAT the WHAT??? At that very moment, the light came on bright as day. Ohhhhh, now I see. Now I know why my attempts to thwart/discuss/question this divorce were met with resistance and road blocks. Bingo! I just won the prize. What a prize!

Ok, now that I got that smarta$$ out of the way, let me tell you how I really feel. I suppose in the back of my mind I knew this would happen, but honestly I didn't believe it would be so soon. Like I said, no matter the fact that divorce is inevitable and you've both given in to the sad truth that the marriage is over, it still hurts way down deep in a place that is so frayed, damaged, broken, and raw. At the moment that I realized what I realized, it felt like my "deep broken place" all of a sudden turned itself inside out and was now on the outside of my body getting 3rd degree burns from the heat. I was hit with hurt, anger, bitterness... all those lovely emotions, and I just didn't know what to do with myself. My insides were shaking and I felt as if I was going to throw up any minute. I didn't go in the house, but I did call J. He didn't realize I was sitting in the driveway, but I let him know I was there. Imagine a big ole "pause of silence" for a brief moment. Yeah, it was good. Cat's out of the bag, Buddy.

What I found out in the next few days blew me away. He had already introduced her to my three boys "several times ago." They told me nothing-not a thing. I'm sure in an attempt not to hurt me. He took her to his parent's house over Father's Day. He took her to the lake over July 4th where only family and close friends are allowed to go. AND here's the kicker... this relationship has been going on for the last 10 months. Yep, yep it sure has. Oh, and my daughter knew nothing about her... the boys did, but not her so you can imagine how well that went over once she did find out. And here's another thing since I'm kind of "venting"... he decides to take her on family vacation. The family vacation to Orlando he had planned with our children. The same exact place where we as a family went on vacation for like 15 years. Every single year we would go to Orlando b/c my in-laws owned time shares there and the entire G clan would go together. (wonderful memories) Ok, so another woman is going to happen but you don't take her THERE!! Maybe another man is going to happen at some point down the road, but this was crazy to take her so soon and when our daughter has never even met the woman. K meets her as she gets off the plane in Orlando. J and OW picked her up at the airport. "Oh, hello, nice to meet you." NOT. The whole thing just didn't go over real well. It was a messed up week for my children.

So another hurdle to jump over, but it's doable. The initial shock has worn off, but the YUCKY is still there. It's going to be Ok. I'm going to be Ok. Kids are going to be Ok. Somehow all our lives are going to be OK. They just are. There is no other option. We will get through this "newest challenge" together (kids and I). I will figure out a way to deal with "OW" when and if I have to.  Same holds true "when and if" I ever introduce my children to the "other man." It won't be easy. They probably won't take it very well, but I do plan to be honest about it with them. These kind of crap life moments are punches to the gut that no book, no friend, no counselor or Shrink can ever prepare you for... when the moment comes you take it full on, no armor. It's the way it has to be and then somehow you rise up once more. We fight battles every day. I fight tons of mess all the time, but the key to survival is getting back up, putting band-aids on the wounds to keep the gashes from splitting open, gathering the necessary weapons, and heading out again. And again. And again. In so doing, we become the Victors. The Conquerors. We win. That my friends, is a most wonderful feeling!!

So to all the sucker punches yet to be, go for it! It's gonna hurt, and I mean hurt, but you Suckers will not take me prisoner!!!

Here's to winning!
D~