Just One Tent Away...
I have been unable to wrap my mind around what I wanted to blog about these last few weeks simply because there has been so much going on. I thought I had a title settled in my mind, then I changed it--a few times. "Just One Tent Away" is perfect. The last month has been CrAzY! The days have all blended into each other due to the non-stop packed action that has been crammed into each 24 hour time period. I wrote a post about how I could "Feel the Water Rising" in early February. Well, the water rose.
It all started with that impending dread of "April 14th" being "the day"-the one year mark. So technically the inside jerkiness started days before the 14th. On top of that gem, my aunt was being discharged from the nursing facility on the 14th b/c she was too self sufficient and could no longer stay due to "Medicare stuff" and the possibility of the facility not getting paid. (it's all about money, folks) Never mind the fact that she was being discharged HOME with NO ONE there to help her or stay with her. No medical assistance could be approved that quickly. The nursing home dropped the ball and didn't contact the necessary people to ensure Home Healthcare would be in place by the time she went home. It's a long story. Anyway, I had to take two days off from work in order to pick her up and take her home b/c her husband "would rather I do it." I actually drove up to Asheville on Monday evening so I would not be in a rush on Tuesday. I took time to enjoy a quiet relaxing lunch at one of my favorite eateries, White Duck Taco Shop in the River Arts District. It is delicious. If you ever visit Asheville, NC, you must go to WDTS. You won't be sorry. I knew this would be my last opportunity for calm before the storm so I took it.
I arrived at the nursing facility around 1:00. My aunt, whom I call, Fig, was napping. I woke her up and the process began. We got to her house by 3:30. She could get around pretty well with the help of a walker and she tried her best to do all she could for herself because she knew she was going to be alone when I left on Thursday. I kept trying to emphasize to her that Bobby was not going to come through this time. Bobby, being her husband of 40+ years, who comes and goes on a whim. I will have to say, he has tried but now he seems to be done with trying. Can I really blame him? I waiver on that one. They are married, but taking care of her 24/7 is beyond exhausting and extremely taxing on the mind. (I am saying that in the nicest way possible) Insert here two people who are both nervous wrecks and trying to live together in very stressful circumstances. So while I was there for the two days, I ran all kinds of errands, took her to get her nails done, fixed food, tried to organize her medication so she could take it without having to figure out what's what, kept a bell beside my bed which acted as an alarm in case she had some kind of emergency during the night. I kind of felt like I was preparing for Armageddon. It was that intense. I left Thursday evening praying that she would be OK. I went over everything she needed to do and I wrote notes for her so she wouldn’t forget. Talk about living on a prayer!
It all started with that impending dread of "April 14th" being "the day"-the one year mark. So technically the inside jerkiness started days before the 14th. On top of that gem, my aunt was being discharged from the nursing facility on the 14th b/c she was too self sufficient and could no longer stay due to "Medicare stuff" and the possibility of the facility not getting paid. (it's all about money, folks) Never mind the fact that she was being discharged HOME with NO ONE there to help her or stay with her. No medical assistance could be approved that quickly. The nursing home dropped the ball and didn't contact the necessary people to ensure Home Healthcare would be in place by the time she went home. It's a long story. Anyway, I had to take two days off from work in order to pick her up and take her home b/c her husband "would rather I do it." I actually drove up to Asheville on Monday evening so I would not be in a rush on Tuesday. I took time to enjoy a quiet relaxing lunch at one of my favorite eateries, White Duck Taco Shop in the River Arts District. It is delicious. If you ever visit Asheville, NC, you must go to WDTS. You won't be sorry. I knew this would be my last opportunity for calm before the storm so I took it.
I arrived at the nursing facility around 1:00. My aunt, whom I call, Fig, was napping. I woke her up and the process began. We got to her house by 3:30. She could get around pretty well with the help of a walker and she tried her best to do all she could for herself because she knew she was going to be alone when I left on Thursday. I kept trying to emphasize to her that Bobby was not going to come through this time. Bobby, being her husband of 40+ years, who comes and goes on a whim. I will have to say, he has tried but now he seems to be done with trying. Can I really blame him? I waiver on that one. They are married, but taking care of her 24/7 is beyond exhausting and extremely taxing on the mind. (I am saying that in the nicest way possible) Insert here two people who are both nervous wrecks and trying to live together in very stressful circumstances. So while I was there for the two days, I ran all kinds of errands, took her to get her nails done, fixed food, tried to organize her medication so she could take it without having to figure out what's what, kept a bell beside my bed which acted as an alarm in case she had some kind of emergency during the night. I kind of felt like I was preparing for Armageddon. It was that intense. I left Thursday evening praying that she would be OK. I went over everything she needed to do and I wrote notes for her so she wouldn’t forget. Talk about living on a prayer!
Friday,
after work, I packed up my van and drove to Charlotte to pick up my friend,
Joyce. We were headed to Summerton, SC, for our friend’s daughter’s baby shower
on Saturday. Boy, did I need this friend time! It was a fun weekend but over
way too quickly. I called Fig a couple of times a day to make sure she was
still upright and alive. Having to
worry about her “making it” was making me a wreck. I simply had to trust that
she would be alright. I got back home Sunday evening, worked Monday. Monday,
after school, Jacob and I went to Men’s Wearhouse to order and get him fitted
for a tux for the Prom that was coming up in 5 days!! PS. Never let your 19
year old son go to the tux place by himself. You will have to go again. Tuesday
I was out running hither and yon trying to order a corsage for the young lady
Jacob was escorting to the Prom. “Why does she need a corsage?” Jacob says.
OoooooKaaaay. While I was at the florist, I get a phone call from my aunt’s
physical therapist. “Your aunt had
a fall. I found her on the floor when I got here. She is refusing to go to the
hospital. I think she may have broken her foot/ankle. “ Seriously? Seriously.
One week--she’s been home one week! I gave permission for an ambulance to come
take her to the ER. Again, husband nowhere around. He was called just FYI. I
hurry home thinking I have to pack and get to Asheville b/c no one will be with
her. Thankfully as I was about to walk out the door, Bobby called me and said
he was at the hospital. He thought
they would keep her overnight. "Whew! I don’t have to go tonight," I said to myself. Later he
called and said they were releasing her and he needed to come get her. There
were no broken bones. She still couldn’t stand on her own.
I
go on to work Wednesday morning, April 22, my daughter’s 26th
birthday. Around 7:45am, my uncle
texts me asking me, “Who is coming to change her clothes? She is in a mess and
I just can’t do it.” I read that
text and I thought my head would explode. Who is coming to change her
clothes??? Well, that would be NO ONE. "Ok, Bobby, I will have to leave work and get there as soon as I can," I reply back to him. So then I go into a tailspin getting school plans ready, letting my principal know the situation, etc... Here I go back to Asheville, which incidentally is no short drive. It takes me over two hours to get there. I get to her house, find her literally in a mess and not five minutes later, Bobby walks out the door. Now what do I do? Clearly she is unable to stay alone anymore. Inside I am having a stress attack b/c I have no idea what I'm going to do with her or where she is going to go. I had no intentions of staying overnight. Come up. Fix things. Go back. Well, that was not to happen... from the moment I arrived it was non-stop care, making phone calls, talking to her and trying to get her to understand the severity of the situation, and me trying to be very patient and not completely lose it. She kept telling me she was NOT going to a nursing facility. I kept telling her, "Yes, you are." There were times I just really had to get firm and very blunt with her. "You have to go. There is no one to stay with you. Bobby is gone and not coming back. I have to go back home. I cannot stay here and you cannot take care of yourself right now." I stayed on the phone from 2:30 until 11:30 that night trying to get her into a facility. It's such a long story but we ended up going back to the ER for several hours via ambulance b/c I couldn't get her into the car. The doctor on duty agreed to fill out this form needed for facility admission. I got her to the nursing facility at 11:15pm. The tired I felt was beyond! I could not have done this without the help of the admissions person, Heather. She went above and beyond her call of duty. She stayed with me every step of the way. She gave me her personal cell number and I texted her until 11:30pm. She kept me from totally losing it. THANK YOU, Heather!
Do you see the chance of a possible meltdown happening here?? I feel like I am only one tent away from a 3 ring circus. It won't be long. My life right now definitely feels like a full blown circus and not the fun kind. All sorts of major stuff happening in each ring and it's all happening at the same time. Thus the reference to a "3 ring circus."
I, of course ended up staying overnight and most of the day Thursday I was with my aunt or running around Asheville getting things she wanted/needed. By 5:00pm I was on the road headed back home. I sat in the driver's seat and just said, "Wow! What just happened?" My mind was spinning. I was exhausted. I felt terrible for having left her at the nursing home again. I could barely get a cohesive thought together, but it was done. I knew she would be safe and competent people would be looking after her for awhile at least. That was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Perhaps now I could focus on other things that desperately needed my attention.
I realize some of you reading this might wonder why I feel this is my responsibility--taking care of my aunt. She's "just my aunt." The fact of the matter is that she helped raise me. All my life she's been "there." She is my mother's sister. She has no children of her own and there is no immediate family left to help out. I'm it. Husband has gone AWOL. She has helped me out of a few major jams in my lifetime and kept "mum" about it. I appreciate that in a big way. However, our relationship is complicated. She probably has done more harm than good to my psyche and I can barely take her on a good day. Part of me does it because I feel like I have to--out of obligation or family ties or whatever. There is part of me that does it for my grandmother. I loved my grandmother very much. She would always say to me, "Be nice. She can't help it. Please don't fuss and argue." I would get so aggravated when she would say that to me. I would vent all the reasons why I thought she COULD help it to my grandmother and she listened to me and out of love for her, I kept my mouth shut. (most of the time) Believe you me, keeping my mouth shut took an act of God some days. Mercy, the stories I could tell you! There you have it... the reasons why I keep going back for more. It is what it is.
I don't know how long she will be at this facility, but at this moment I don't have to worry about her safety. Now I have to find a way to manage the other 2 rings of my circus.
D~
Do you see the chance of a possible meltdown happening here?? I feel like I am only one tent away from a 3 ring circus. It won't be long. My life right now definitely feels like a full blown circus and not the fun kind. All sorts of major stuff happening in each ring and it's all happening at the same time. Thus the reference to a "3 ring circus."
I, of course ended up staying overnight and most of the day Thursday I was with my aunt or running around Asheville getting things she wanted/needed. By 5:00pm I was on the road headed back home. I sat in the driver's seat and just said, "Wow! What just happened?" My mind was spinning. I was exhausted. I felt terrible for having left her at the nursing home again. I could barely get a cohesive thought together, but it was done. I knew she would be safe and competent people would be looking after her for awhile at least. That was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Perhaps now I could focus on other things that desperately needed my attention.
I realize some of you reading this might wonder why I feel this is my responsibility--taking care of my aunt. She's "just my aunt." The fact of the matter is that she helped raise me. All my life she's been "there." She is my mother's sister. She has no children of her own and there is no immediate family left to help out. I'm it. Husband has gone AWOL. She has helped me out of a few major jams in my lifetime and kept "mum" about it. I appreciate that in a big way. However, our relationship is complicated. She probably has done more harm than good to my psyche and I can barely take her on a good day. Part of me does it because I feel like I have to--out of obligation or family ties or whatever. There is part of me that does it for my grandmother. I loved my grandmother very much. She would always say to me, "Be nice. She can't help it. Please don't fuss and argue." I would get so aggravated when she would say that to me. I would vent all the reasons why I thought she COULD help it to my grandmother and she listened to me and out of love for her, I kept my mouth shut. (most of the time) Believe you me, keeping my mouth shut took an act of God some days. Mercy, the stories I could tell you! There you have it... the reasons why I keep going back for more. It is what it is.
I don't know how long she will be at this facility, but at this moment I don't have to worry about her safety. Now I have to find a way to manage the other 2 rings of my circus.
D~
"I paid my dues, but it's a debt I'm done paying. I'm standing strong, but I'm still in my knees praying - That nothing in this world will ever break my heart again.."
ReplyDeleteJust keep rising from the ashes - choose to be a Phoenix