This Egyptian Girl

Yesterday, January 22, marked the 3 year "anniversary" if you will, of one of my dear friend's death. It is hard to believe it has been 3 years. I miss her more every day. I met this friend in high school--1977ish. I was a sophomore and she was a junior. I thought she was a beautiful girl with this amazing smooth hairless olive colored skin. One time I watched her make this wax stuff. She stirred and kneaded until it was the perfect consistency and then Girlfriend put that wax on her arms, legs, etc... and pulled the hair right off her body. I visibly winced as she did so. She also had the biggest boobs of ANY girl on campus. We girls were totally envious! The guys thought Hugh Hefner sent her just for their viewing pleasure. PLUS, she was from Egypt! EGYPT! I was a mountain girl from Asheville, NC, and this girl was pretty exotic to me--to all of us. Her name was Fibi Hanna. 

Today, yesterday--these days have been heavy on my mind. I have been thinking of Fibi a lot. It's difficult not to think about her. Fibi graduated in the Class of '79 and she went on about her business, living her life, going to school and becoming a nurse, getting married and having two children, living in Martinsburg, WV. I graduated in 1980 and went about my business of living, getting married and having children. We only saw one another at a couple of our high school reunions and those were very early on after graduation. Somehow I became the organizer and communication director for both of our classes... sending out emails about upcoming reunions, news about classmates, birthday reminders, etc... I didn't get a hold of Fibi's contact information for a long time. It was around 2009 when we really started communicating again. It was at this time that we were planning a big reunion for October 2010 at Wild Dunes on the Isle of Palms in SC. Fibi communicated to me that she really wanted to be there but many circumstances were holding her back. 

Fibi was this person with an incredible faith. She was ever the encourager, the prayer warrior, the optimist, the believer in the impossible. She was rock solid in her beliefs. She had this personality that made you believe too. She welcomed you with open arms and her face radiated happiness. Thankfully it worked out that she was able to come to the reunion in 2010. Fortunately, she lived relatively close to some other friends who were making the trip and she rode to SC with them, Beth and Rick. I believe, as does Beth, that was a "divine intervention" of sorts. The car trip was the beginning of an amazing journey for some of us.

Reunion 2010 at The Dunes--Fibi is the one in the middle with the yellow tank top

bottom right: I love this picture of Fibs! She was so happy that reunion weekend. Full of joy and laughter.
left and top right: we visited Fibi at her home in WV October 2011

At the reunion, Fibi was overwhelmed with gratitude for being able to be there and connect with so many "old friends."  That girl was genuinely happy to be there and she enveloped us with her laughter and love and thankfulness. She must've thanked me a million times for including her and getting the reunion together. On Sunday, when we all left, she gave me a card and this little crab picture holder. She knew I loved the ocean/beach. It was a small token but one given with true love. After the reunion, she and myself and 3 other friends kind of formed this little group and we called ourselves "Charlie's Angels or rather BP Charlie's Angels." BP stands for Beth Page. Laura, Mel, BP, Fibs and Me. We carried on some serious discussions via email. We shared major life happenings, crisis's, deep thoughts and troubles with one another. One day we got an email from Fibi stating that she had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and it was already Stage 4. What?? This couldn't be. She is "our age." This is our FRIEND. She has two teenagers. So much life left to live. Pancreatic cancer? It's one of the worst kinds of cancer. Rarely do people survive it. It was then that all of us decided to make a road trip to Martinsburg, VA. We HAD to go see Fibi. We planned it for October (2011). We stopped in Herndon, VA, to pick up another high school friend, Pete. What a visit we had with her!  She opened the door and we were awestruck by how beautiful she looked. She was glowing. It was a joyous time of togetherness. We all kept the "evil" at bay and refused to let it dampen our time. We took tons of pictures. We met her husband and children. We couldn't stay that long because it made her so very tired. We may not have had quantity but we sure had quality! Beth had asked our high school group to write a note of encouragement/a love note to Fibi. Beth printed them all and put them in a large frame and what didn't fit in the frame she put in a book for Fibi. We took those things to her along with some other gifts. Fibs was moved to tears. The love notes lifted her spirits and made her so happy knowing so many were praying for her and sending her love. We left there not knowing if or when we would see her again.

We wanted to pamper her like a Rock Star! 

Fibi pictured here with her book and frame of love notes

Life got extremely busy the next couple of months. I had to have emergency gall bladder surgery the day after Christmas. Complications ensued and I had to have another surgery the first week of January. I ended up taking a month off from work. BP's son joined the Army. All of us had a lot of "life happenings" going on and all the while Fibi was deteriorating but she continued writing to us, many times in the wee hours of the morning b/c she couldn't sleep bc of the terrible pain or nausea. She encouraged us through our difficulties and prayed for us. Fibi celebrated her 50th birthday on Dec. 14th. Then in mid January we get the news that "it's bad." Fibi is in the hospital. BP made arrangements to go and stay with her night and day at the hospital. I drove to Martinsburg (Katelyn came with me b/c she was going to stay in Herndon with Pete and family for a job-another story). We arrived at the hospital Friday pm. Pete and David met us there (high school friends). So we gathered because it's what we do. Seeing how much she had changed from October to January was frightening. Still, she tried to smile at us and talk to us and visit with us. She said to me, "What are you doing here? You just had surgery!" Surprises are always fun! :)  She would doze off from exhaustion and high doses of medication. We  sat beside her holding her hands; we rubbed her swollen feet and legs. We made brave faces in front of her. Out in the hall we hugged each other and cried. We were losing our dear friend to this horrible disease. I can't explain it but this experience brought us all so close. It was truly an "all for one one for all" kind of deal. During this time, Katelyn had found her way to the cafeteria downstairs. I mean, what else was she going to do but wait. I was glad she was there. Again, another lesson in friendship and what it means to truly "be there" for those you love. She was patient and kind. I knew she understood how difficult this was for me/for all of us. We said our goodbyes to Fibs. Have you ever done that? Said "goodbye" knowing it would most likely be the last time you saw or spoke to someone on this earth? It's an awful thing. I sat with my friend. She was sitting on her bed. I was sitting on a stool in front of her. I didn't want to go. She leaned into me and just stayed there awhile. I held her up. We stayed that way for a long time. She whispered in my ear, "Be brave. Be strong. You can do this. Thank you for being here. I love you." As I was walking out the door, I turned back to her and said, "I love you, Fibs." She said back to me, "I love you more." That was her ending to every conversation we had... "I love you more." That turned out to be her last words to me. Fibi passed away Sunday morning. Pete and I were en route back to the hospital and she died minutes before we got there. She was surrounded by her family. Beth was there too, and all were singing to her as she passed from this life to the next. Fibi went to Heaven surrounded by so much love. Amazing.

David, Fibi and Pete

We were back up there the next weekend for Fibi's funeral along with more of the gang. Friends. Friends showed up. They came from many places--Chicago, Minnesota, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, DC, North Carolina, Virginia.  I think back on that time and just shake my head at all that happened. So much good came out of those two weekends even though it was all so heartbreaking. Again, I go back to relationships. Life is all about relationships. People came together those days in a way they never would have had it not been for Fibi and the expectation of what was to come/what did come. No one of course knew the day nor the hour, but we knew it was imminent and so we gathered--before and after. I've said it one thousand times (at least), but I honestly I have the best friends in all the world. I know really good people. These are real people who care and who made gargantuan efforts to come to a funeral of a friend they once knew in high school. It wasn't that all of them were close to Fibi; it was simply the fact that she was one of the group. If I had to give one word for those days, it would be LOVE. Love poured out and overflowing and Love poured IN as well. The service was held in a large church, and it was packed full of people. A living testimony to the lives Fibi touched and influenced. Her daughter sang. Her dad gave a moving speech. It was a service I will never forget.

So here's to you, Fibs! Thank you for the life you led and the joy you gave to so many. Thank you for opening your heart to me. You continue to "live" in so many ways. I miss you like crazy. The Angels and I are still going strong and we get together every chance we can. You would laugh at our antics for sure! Life continues on and all of us have struggles we are dealing with, and we sure wish we could bend your ear sometimes and hear you tell us that everything will be fine. We know you are in a beautiful place singing and dancing with your Mama and having a way better time than we are!! You will always be in our hearts.

Oh, and if I ever EVER find myself in a situation like yours, I request 2 things:
1. BP has to be my caregiver. Not the hospital nurses b/c we all know they just don't have time to be super good at it. Not hospice b/c they are strangers-nice, but strangers. It has to be BP. She rocks it like no one I've ever seen. She has this extraordinary gift of taking care of people. She is amazing at it!
2. When it is time for me to slip from this life to the next, I want to be surrounded by my family and friends singing to me. I can't think of a better way to enter those Gates.

And if I have to have a nurse, please make sure her name is "Beth."

To the Moon and Back,
D~

"Love you More"