It's "Sneak Out, Freak Out" Week!!!
My youngest boys have coined a phrase called, "Sneak Out, Freak Out." What it means is something happens to make a person (usually me) just totally flip out, lose it, go all Cray Cray, go bananas, get on a rant, get all 'toe up (torn up for those that don't understand this lingo) so to speak. You get the picture, right? Something will happen and Jared or Jacob will say, "Whooooaaaa, Mom!! You just had a Sneak Out Freak Out!" or the person that is about to go completely ape sh&* will say, "OMG! I just about had a Sneak Out Freak Out!"
So this week... this last week before I go back to work... my last week of vacation... Wouldn't you think it would just be the "bomb diggity?" Well, NO, I mean REALLY NO, it's not that way at all. For whatever reason, unbeknownst to me and every other teacher, this is like Hell Week. The dread is so palpable that it permeates the air. I get choked on it! I told myself I was going to "push through" this dread, this depression and make it a great week no matter what. It simply hasn't worked out that way just yet. Today is only Tuesday and so much has already happened. Let me just give you the run down...
First of all, it has rained for FIVE straight days. We have had NO SUNSHINE for FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS!! I'm a girl who NEEDS sunshine in order to function at optimal levels, or truth be told, just to simply function. I need sunshine like bees need nectar. I need it to thrive. :) So these rainy, dark, dreary days have begun taking their toll. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
Over the weekend I started receiving emails from SCHOOL, from our principal. Well, right there is a definite last week of vacation downer. The emails just keep coming too! They won't stop! Schedules, meetings, training workshops that are MANDATORY, open house, finding out our teacher assistants can only work 3 days next week!! WHAT???? Yeah. Yeah, it's true. So how are we supposed to get our rooms "back to school ready" without our helpers? Be ready for Open House on the 21st? It's already overwhelming me and I'm not even there yet. I feel the pressure deep in my chest. I know you're thinking, "She's crazy," but seriously, Ya'll, it's the God's honest truth!! My chest tightens up; I feel like I have trouble breathing and then panic sets in. I wake up in the middle of the night in full blown panic mode thinking about how to set my room up, what am I going to put out in the hall that will be all cutesy and inviting, how shall I decorate my bulletin boards, what sweet Angels are going to be in my room this year and will any of them be Demon children... all this and much more runs through my mind at ungodly hours. I will myself to go back to sleep. I ask God to please please stop my brain and just let me sleep for a few more hours.
Now let's talk about my van... my good ole' trusty 2004 Honda Odyssey. We bought that car brand spankin' new after my oldest kid wrecked and completely totaled our super sweet white van that I can't even remember what make it was, but I loved it. It was a bad wreck and I was in the car. That's a whole other story. So my Honda has 180,000 miles on it and was in need of an oil change and apparently a 180,000 mile maintenance check up. I can't even remember the last "maintenance check up" it had, but Ok, let's go do this. I took it today and left it and was given a "loaner car" to drive in the mean time. I get a call from Brad letting me know all the things that are wrong with it. Timing belt needs replaced, left rear shock is leaking, coolant is leaking, power steering fluid is leaking... "How much, Brad?" He tells me to fix everything will cost me around $1700!!!! Ohhhhmyyyygosh! He keeps explaining things to me and keeps asking me if I understand and am I still with him. ha ha I tell him, "Brad, I don't know anything about any car anywhere! I'm going to have to call someone. I will get back to you." When I hang up the phone with Brad, I just sit in the bank parking lot staring out into space willing myself not to go all "Sneak Out Freak Out." I try calling J b/c that's the logical first call, right? No answer. I did leave him a message telling him a bit of the car issue and asked him to please return my call. I then try texting a couple of my friends to ask them if they know anything about car maintenance and could I please get some advise. No answer. Ok, well, maybe Brad is going to have to wait till tomorrow for my reply. I keep thinking to myself on my drive home in my loaner car, "How in the world am I going to pay for this? I don't have $1700. I haven't even paid my lawyer bill yet!! Am I going to have to go to the bank and get a loan?" I absolutely hate owing money for anything. I'm really pretty good about managing money, but when things come up out of the blue, unexpectedly, it puts a real hurtin' on the budget! This car business is totally foreign to me. I know nothing. I'm serious, I know absolutely nothing about a car or maintaining one. I know how to put gas in the tank and that is all. Sad truth right there, but it is what it is.
J finally calls me back and I try explaining to him the best I can what is wrong. I asked him if he would call Brad and speak to him so that he could get an accurate description of what is going on and what needs fixing. J did call. Thank you, God! When he called me back he told me what NOT to do ever again and then by some miracle, he told me he would pay half of the cost. I almost collapsed right on the floor. Thank you, God!! When we hung up, I simply burst into tears. I was on the edge of an all out sob fest and I knew I had to quickly stop that #$%* because I just don't have time for a breakdown! I knew if I didn't make myself get a grip right then and there, it was going to be ugly and long lasting and I would eventually just have to go to bed. Soooo, I did turn it around and started blogging instead!! See why I do this?? Therapy, People, therapy!
I also had to go to the bank today b/c they keep charging me these dang service fees that they shouldn't be charging me for. This is like the 4th time. Instead of calling, I just decided to go in and speak to my "personal banker." His name is Chris. I like Chris. He has helped me before and we get along great. Thankfully he wasn't busy and I didn't have to wait. I tell him my problem; he fixes it. Plain and simple. I also have to get Chris to make copies of my aunt's bank statements because I am trying to get her qualified for Medicaid. She is currently in a nursing facility and she has used up her allotted days and in order for Medicaid to pay for the "other days," I have to do all this paperwork for her and to be honest, it's about to put me over. It's a lot of work!! I have to make another trip to Asheville sometime this week to get her signature on one of the forms. I have no idea when that will be, but Grrrrreeeeeaaaaat!! If you had to deal with her, you would know why I stretched out the word great. It is no picnic. In fact, after I have spent a few hours with her, I'm the one who needs large doses of medication and not just medication, but shots of strong drinks to go along with the large doses of medication! Oh, and really loud music too--like Queen and AC/DC and a little Joan Jett thrown in the mix! Not even kidding.
My number 3 child went back to college. He left on Saturday and yes, I cried. I cried multiple times. I miss that boy more than he can ever fathom in his lifetime. Before he left, we went to the movies. Jared texted Katelyn and me the night before wanting to go see "Step Up All In." We love those movies--don't laugh. The three of us have gone to see just about all of them together. It's just what we do. So Saturday morning, I looked up the times and texted both of them... 11:30. Are we going? At 11:00 I get a text from Jared saying he just woke up, but yes, he wants to go. I tell him to go wake up his sister and get going. We made it to the movie and afterwards we went out for breakfast at Cracker Barrel, his choice. He loves that place. When we go to the CB, we always get breakfast b/c face it, they've got a killer breakfast menu! Love me some hash brown casserole from the CB! We said our goodbyes in the parking lot and I promptly got in my car and the tears started flowing... all the way home. The thing is he forgot his student ID in my car and had to stop by my house on his way to WV. I was thrilled to see him again but you guessed it, another goodbye with more tears. Jared will be starting his junior year at Concord University in Athens, WV. He will be playing soccer. He will have a class schedule beyond imagination--his classes are very hard. He is going to have a lot on his plate, health issues not withstanding. I worry. I'm his mother. It's my job and I do it like a boss! :) So there's that.
There have been a few other bumps in the road that are simply beyond my control. Something not working out the way I thought it would or had hoped it would work out. People not being what you thought them to be. Disappointment in the outcome of something. Being unsure as to "what to do next." Feeling all topsy turvy and not really sure why, or perhaps knowing the why but just not how to stop feeling that way. Being all in a funk about "what lies ahead" and having no freaking idea how to stomp down the uncertainty, the fear, the aloneness--notice I didn't say "loneliness" b/c I am not lonely, but being alone is bothering me these days. So anyway, it may be Shark Week for the rest of the world, but for me, it's "Sneak Out Freak Out" week! As I embark on the remainder of my last week of vacation, I need a big sign that says,
"May the odds be ever in your favor!" Please.
Lv,
D~
So this week... this last week before I go back to work... my last week of vacation... Wouldn't you think it would just be the "bomb diggity?" Well, NO, I mean REALLY NO, it's not that way at all. For whatever reason, unbeknownst to me and every other teacher, this is like Hell Week. The dread is so palpable that it permeates the air. I get choked on it! I told myself I was going to "push through" this dread, this depression and make it a great week no matter what. It simply hasn't worked out that way just yet. Today is only Tuesday and so much has already happened. Let me just give you the run down...
First of all, it has rained for FIVE straight days. We have had NO SUNSHINE for FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS!! I'm a girl who NEEDS sunshine in order to function at optimal levels, or truth be told, just to simply function. I need sunshine like bees need nectar. I need it to thrive. :) So these rainy, dark, dreary days have begun taking their toll. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
Over the weekend I started receiving emails from SCHOOL, from our principal. Well, right there is a definite last week of vacation downer. The emails just keep coming too! They won't stop! Schedules, meetings, training workshops that are MANDATORY, open house, finding out our teacher assistants can only work 3 days next week!! WHAT???? Yeah. Yeah, it's true. So how are we supposed to get our rooms "back to school ready" without our helpers? Be ready for Open House on the 21st? It's already overwhelming me and I'm not even there yet. I feel the pressure deep in my chest. I know you're thinking, "She's crazy," but seriously, Ya'll, it's the God's honest truth!! My chest tightens up; I feel like I have trouble breathing and then panic sets in. I wake up in the middle of the night in full blown panic mode thinking about how to set my room up, what am I going to put out in the hall that will be all cutesy and inviting, how shall I decorate my bulletin boards, what sweet Angels are going to be in my room this year and will any of them be Demon children... all this and much more runs through my mind at ungodly hours. I will myself to go back to sleep. I ask God to please please stop my brain and just let me sleep for a few more hours.
Now let's talk about my van... my good ole' trusty 2004 Honda Odyssey. We bought that car brand spankin' new after my oldest kid wrecked and completely totaled our super sweet white van that I can't even remember what make it was, but I loved it. It was a bad wreck and I was in the car. That's a whole other story. So my Honda has 180,000 miles on it and was in need of an oil change and apparently a 180,000 mile maintenance check up. I can't even remember the last "maintenance check up" it had, but Ok, let's go do this. I took it today and left it and was given a "loaner car" to drive in the mean time. I get a call from Brad letting me know all the things that are wrong with it. Timing belt needs replaced, left rear shock is leaking, coolant is leaking, power steering fluid is leaking... "How much, Brad?" He tells me to fix everything will cost me around $1700!!!! Ohhhhmyyyygosh! He keeps explaining things to me and keeps asking me if I understand and am I still with him. ha ha I tell him, "Brad, I don't know anything about any car anywhere! I'm going to have to call someone. I will get back to you." When I hang up the phone with Brad, I just sit in the bank parking lot staring out into space willing myself not to go all "Sneak Out Freak Out." I try calling J b/c that's the logical first call, right? No answer. I did leave him a message telling him a bit of the car issue and asked him to please return my call. I then try texting a couple of my friends to ask them if they know anything about car maintenance and could I please get some advise. No answer. Ok, well, maybe Brad is going to have to wait till tomorrow for my reply. I keep thinking to myself on my drive home in my loaner car, "How in the world am I going to pay for this? I don't have $1700. I haven't even paid my lawyer bill yet!! Am I going to have to go to the bank and get a loan?" I absolutely hate owing money for anything. I'm really pretty good about managing money, but when things come up out of the blue, unexpectedly, it puts a real hurtin' on the budget! This car business is totally foreign to me. I know nothing. I'm serious, I know absolutely nothing about a car or maintaining one. I know how to put gas in the tank and that is all. Sad truth right there, but it is what it is.
J finally calls me back and I try explaining to him the best I can what is wrong. I asked him if he would call Brad and speak to him so that he could get an accurate description of what is going on and what needs fixing. J did call. Thank you, God! When he called me back he told me what NOT to do ever again and then by some miracle, he told me he would pay half of the cost. I almost collapsed right on the floor. Thank you, God!! When we hung up, I simply burst into tears. I was on the edge of an all out sob fest and I knew I had to quickly stop that #$%* because I just don't have time for a breakdown! I knew if I didn't make myself get a grip right then and there, it was going to be ugly and long lasting and I would eventually just have to go to bed. Soooo, I did turn it around and started blogging instead!! See why I do this?? Therapy, People, therapy!
I also had to go to the bank today b/c they keep charging me these dang service fees that they shouldn't be charging me for. This is like the 4th time. Instead of calling, I just decided to go in and speak to my "personal banker." His name is Chris. I like Chris. He has helped me before and we get along great. Thankfully he wasn't busy and I didn't have to wait. I tell him my problem; he fixes it. Plain and simple. I also have to get Chris to make copies of my aunt's bank statements because I am trying to get her qualified for Medicaid. She is currently in a nursing facility and she has used up her allotted days and in order for Medicaid to pay for the "other days," I have to do all this paperwork for her and to be honest, it's about to put me over. It's a lot of work!! I have to make another trip to Asheville sometime this week to get her signature on one of the forms. I have no idea when that will be, but Grrrrreeeeeaaaaat!! If you had to deal with her, you would know why I stretched out the word great. It is no picnic. In fact, after I have spent a few hours with her, I'm the one who needs large doses of medication and not just medication, but shots of strong drinks to go along with the large doses of medication! Oh, and really loud music too--like Queen and AC/DC and a little Joan Jett thrown in the mix! Not even kidding.
My number 3 child went back to college. He left on Saturday and yes, I cried. I cried multiple times. I miss that boy more than he can ever fathom in his lifetime. Before he left, we went to the movies. Jared texted Katelyn and me the night before wanting to go see "Step Up All In." We love those movies--don't laugh. The three of us have gone to see just about all of them together. It's just what we do. So Saturday morning, I looked up the times and texted both of them... 11:30. Are we going? At 11:00 I get a text from Jared saying he just woke up, but yes, he wants to go. I tell him to go wake up his sister and get going. We made it to the movie and afterwards we went out for breakfast at Cracker Barrel, his choice. He loves that place. When we go to the CB, we always get breakfast b/c face it, they've got a killer breakfast menu! Love me some hash brown casserole from the CB! We said our goodbyes in the parking lot and I promptly got in my car and the tears started flowing... all the way home. The thing is he forgot his student ID in my car and had to stop by my house on his way to WV. I was thrilled to see him again but you guessed it, another goodbye with more tears. Jared will be starting his junior year at Concord University in Athens, WV. He will be playing soccer. He will have a class schedule beyond imagination--his classes are very hard. He is going to have a lot on his plate, health issues not withstanding. I worry. I'm his mother. It's my job and I do it like a boss! :) So there's that.
There have been a few other bumps in the road that are simply beyond my control. Something not working out the way I thought it would or had hoped it would work out. People not being what you thought them to be. Disappointment in the outcome of something. Being unsure as to "what to do next." Feeling all topsy turvy and not really sure why, or perhaps knowing the why but just not how to stop feeling that way. Being all in a funk about "what lies ahead" and having no freaking idea how to stomp down the uncertainty, the fear, the aloneness--notice I didn't say "loneliness" b/c I am not lonely, but being alone is bothering me these days. So anyway, it may be Shark Week for the rest of the world, but for me, it's "Sneak Out Freak Out" week! As I embark on the remainder of my last week of vacation, I need a big sign that says,
"May the odds be ever in your favor!" Please.
Lv,
D~
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