Believe
Believe! Believe! Believe!
This one word has come to be my lifeline; it's the rope I'm hanging on to for dear life. BELIEVE.
"Dawn, you've got to believe that everything will be alright. YOU will be alright. Just believe it."
When I got back from Miami last Saturday, there was a prettily wrapped gift on my front porch. There was no card, no note, nothing to identify the giver of the gift.... but I knew. I had received a text from this person earlier in the day asking me if I was back in Clemmons yet... "No, not yet, " I told her. So I wondered what she was up to with that comment and when I got home and saw the pretty package... I knew. (I'm not even sure she reads this blog, but I'm going to thank her nonetheless.) Thank you, Bay, for the book, but more, thank you for thinking of me when you saw it and thank you for knowing I would need it. The name of the book is... believe... written and compiled by Dan Zadra and Kobi Yamada.
Every day I that I spent in Miami was enjoyable and relaxing and I loved it there, however I had this "peach pit" in the middle of my stomach that was like a gnawing pain I couldn't get rid of... it was the knowing what was coming that had me in "the grips." Flying back on Saturday, packing and moving and leaving my home was at the forefront of my mind. I had one week to get it together. NOW I have two days before I start putting things in the other house. 2 days!! I'm not gonna lie, I'm a nervous wreck on the inside. You would never know it from the outside. I can keep my %&$ together when I have to and for my own sake and those around me, I have to right now. As each day has passed this week, I say to myself, "Well, this was the last Monday I will spend in this house. This is the last Tuesday I will spend in this house"... and so on. I tell myself that's crazy talk. I tell myself, "Don't go there. Don't even think those things. You are causing trouble where there need not be trouble." I can't stop these thoughts from coming anymore than I can tell myself not to blink. But what I can do is, BELIEVE.
Just exactly what is it I am supposed to believe? Well, I am supposed to believe that yes, everything will be OK and there will be brighter days in my future. If not, what is the purpose of taking these steps in the first place? I will believe that although my lifestyle is going to be very different, I will be able to make it... make the rent each month, pay the bills, buy groceries, etc... I will figure it out and make it work. I will believe that my children will be OK. They will come through this along side of us and grow and be stronger and know that they are and will always be loved. We are a family, a bit different, but a family nonetheless. I will believe that J and I will work together for the good of our kids. We will always be united on that front. I want to believe that I will not always be by myself-that somewhere down the road there will be someone to share to my life with, someone to make plans with, dream with, have fun with...this I want to believe. I am having difficulty with this one, but I'm trying to stay positive and believe it can and will happen--when the time is right. When I experience those really dark days (b/c I know there will be some), I will believe that I am not alone. His eyes are on the sparrow, and that sparrow is me. God knows of my heartbreak and pain. He knows the anguish in my soul. When I can't walk anymore, He will carry me. He will not leave me because He promised and I believe His promises. I am also going to believe that He will do the same for J. He deserves ultimate happiness just as much as I do. He needs to find someone to share his days with as well. I want to believe both of us will come through this and not merely survive, but thrive and have joy and our lives will be full of meaning and purpose. I will continue to believe that God will give me the strength to make it through these next few days of packing and moving and leaving the home I've loved for nearly 17 years. I do have help on the horizon. I have friends who are coming to help me; they are like rocks to me right now. Rocks that are solid and steady and supportive. They too, will help me survive this. Two of my boys will be the muscles behind this operation. They took a day off from work to help me. Jacob even enlisted two of his friends to help out! Jared can't come home this weekend due to some college happenings that he is involved in and Katelyn is in a friend's wedding in Goldsboro, NC, so she won't be here either. It's OK. We will make it work.
The very first page of the book, believe, says this:
This one word has come to be my lifeline; it's the rope I'm hanging on to for dear life. BELIEVE.
"Dawn, you've got to believe that everything will be alright. YOU will be alright. Just believe it."
When I got back from Miami last Saturday, there was a prettily wrapped gift on my front porch. There was no card, no note, nothing to identify the giver of the gift.... but I knew. I had received a text from this person earlier in the day asking me if I was back in Clemmons yet... "No, not yet, " I told her. So I wondered what she was up to with that comment and when I got home and saw the pretty package... I knew. (I'm not even sure she reads this blog, but I'm going to thank her nonetheless.) Thank you, Bay, for the book, but more, thank you for thinking of me when you saw it and thank you for knowing I would need it. The name of the book is... believe... written and compiled by Dan Zadra and Kobi Yamada.
Every day I that I spent in Miami was enjoyable and relaxing and I loved it there, however I had this "peach pit" in the middle of my stomach that was like a gnawing pain I couldn't get rid of... it was the knowing what was coming that had me in "the grips." Flying back on Saturday, packing and moving and leaving my home was at the forefront of my mind. I had one week to get it together. NOW I have two days before I start putting things in the other house. 2 days!! I'm not gonna lie, I'm a nervous wreck on the inside. You would never know it from the outside. I can keep my %&$ together when I have to and for my own sake and those around me, I have to right now. As each day has passed this week, I say to myself, "Well, this was the last Monday I will spend in this house. This is the last Tuesday I will spend in this house"... and so on. I tell myself that's crazy talk. I tell myself, "Don't go there. Don't even think those things. You are causing trouble where there need not be trouble." I can't stop these thoughts from coming anymore than I can tell myself not to blink. But what I can do is, BELIEVE.
Just exactly what is it I am supposed to believe? Well, I am supposed to believe that yes, everything will be OK and there will be brighter days in my future. If not, what is the purpose of taking these steps in the first place? I will believe that although my lifestyle is going to be very different, I will be able to make it... make the rent each month, pay the bills, buy groceries, etc... I will figure it out and make it work. I will believe that my children will be OK. They will come through this along side of us and grow and be stronger and know that they are and will always be loved. We are a family, a bit different, but a family nonetheless. I will believe that J and I will work together for the good of our kids. We will always be united on that front. I want to believe that I will not always be by myself-that somewhere down the road there will be someone to share to my life with, someone to make plans with, dream with, have fun with...this I want to believe. I am having difficulty with this one, but I'm trying to stay positive and believe it can and will happen--when the time is right. When I experience those really dark days (b/c I know there will be some), I will believe that I am not alone. His eyes are on the sparrow, and that sparrow is me. God knows of my heartbreak and pain. He knows the anguish in my soul. When I can't walk anymore, He will carry me. He will not leave me because He promised and I believe His promises. I am also going to believe that He will do the same for J. He deserves ultimate happiness just as much as I do. He needs to find someone to share his days with as well. I want to believe both of us will come through this and not merely survive, but thrive and have joy and our lives will be full of meaning and purpose. I will continue to believe that God will give me the strength to make it through these next few days of packing and moving and leaving the home I've loved for nearly 17 years. I do have help on the horizon. I have friends who are coming to help me; they are like rocks to me right now. Rocks that are solid and steady and supportive. They too, will help me survive this. Two of my boys will be the muscles behind this operation. They took a day off from work to help me. Jacob even enlisted two of his friends to help out! Jared can't come home this weekend due to some college happenings that he is involved in and Katelyn is in a friend's wedding in Goldsboro, NC, so she won't be here either. It's OK. We will make it work.
The very first page of the book, believe, says this:
The Start of Something Good
The start to a better world, or a better life, or a better future is simply our belief that it is possible. The thoughts in these pages are inspiring and affirming, especially in difficult times. They remind us that self-confidence can work wonders, but mutual confidence can work miracles. Perhaps Tiffany Loren Rowe says it best: No matter what kind of challenge lies before you, "if somebody believes in you, and you believe in your dream, it can happen."
And then, I turn the page and this is what I see... (I guess I was meant to have this book on Saturday, April 5th, 2014, and every day after)
Believe in fresh starts and new beginnings.
Here is to believing in dreams and having enough confidence to believe my dreams will happen! Thank you to those out there who have believed in me and who continue to believe in me even when I don't believe in myself. Thank you!!
D~
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