Golfing on Christmas Eve?... really.
Today is Christmas Eve and my husband and son have decided to go play golf. Now you may think that is no bigs, but it's Christmas Eve... a time when families usually spend time together doing last minute "stuff" or making cookies, or wrapping presents, or just the knowing that *we* are somewhere in the house together whether we are actually together or not. Together, being the operative word here. It's the principal of the matter to me. Oh, last night he said, "Is there anything else I'm expected to do tomorrow or get done tomorrow that I haven't done yet?" As soon as he asked the question, I knew there was some motive behind it, some reason why he was asking. Then out it came, "Well, I'm planning on playing golf with D tomorrow. If I need to do something, just tell me. I have no problem canceling." Really? Of course he knows I'm not going to say anything, I mean honestly why would I?
Yesterday was a bit of a bump in my Christmas Spirit I've had rolling this month. I had just arrived at Walmart (OMG!! It was a nightmare trying to get there b/c of the insane amounts of traffic!) I just happened to look at my phone and noticed I had a new email. So, because I'm a freak about checking my phone, messages, emails, I open it up. It's an email from my lawyer. I've been wondering when I was going to get "this email" and I even said to myself and out loud to a friend of mine, "I hope I don't get any sort of news right at Christmas b/c it will always be a bad memory at the most wonderful time of the year!" Well... it happened. I read through the email at least three times before getting out of the car. My lawyer wrote a note to me and forwarded the letter J's lawyer sent to her. Apparently he met with him on December 19th, a full week after we were told he was going to meet with him. I was expecting this email way before now. It would have been better to have received 10 days ago rather than now. I guess it's just a mental thing. Anyway, the letter from J's lawyer just brought it all to the forefront again, right smack in the middle of all this Christmas Joy.
In my mind, these last several weeks, I've been living a dream I suppose. It's been a good few weeks. It has felt like Christmas; it's been like the way it used to be before we became hardened and bitter towards each other. I guess I let myself live in this pretend world b/c it felt good and I was happy doing things for my family, making sure this was going to be a fantastic Christmas; a Christmas they would happily remember versus a Christmas that totally sucked b/c of their parents. Yesterday we made a plan to divide and conquer the rest of the Christmas list for the kids, who would go to the grocery store, who would get the stocking stuffers, etc... I was on roll and making great progress... then I opened that dang email. SCREECHING HALT! Pull the cord on the train kind of thing. I had to do some serious mental talking to myself to even get out of that car.
I did it. I finally got out of the car, started shopping and shopped for the next two hours. I did my best to put it out of my mind... I had no choice. I had to put it out of mind or else I would have just slumped down right in the dog food aisle of Walmart and started crying. Could. Not. Happen. I came home "happy" and got Jacob to help unload the van, and I went upstairs and immediately put in my new Blake Shelton Christmas CD, started putting away the many bags of groceries; I cleaned out the pantry, cleaned out the refrigerator, loaded the dishwasher, charged my phone and then said, "Bye. I'm going to Weezy's." I wanted to give her the Christmas present I had for her and figured this would be the perfect opportunity. Christmas Eve was going to be busy for everyone. It was good to go hang with Weez for a while. It helped take the "sting" out of an otherwise great day. Plus, Weez just had her gall bladder taken out and I needed to check on her anyway. :) I got home about 10:30pm and was in bed shortly after. I needed some sleep.
So today is a new day. It's Christmas Eve!! I love Christmas. I do. It is my favorite everything wrapped into one glorious holiday. Tonight my family will be together. We will do what we always do... we will go to the Love Feast at 6:00. The Love Feast is a very special Christmas tradition that started with the Moravians who actually founded Winston-Salem. It is a beautiful Christmas service. After the Love Feast, we will go eat Mexican food for dinner then make our way through the beautiful light display at Tanglewood Park. This year, my oldest is going to go with us. First time in a long while. This year, my daughter's boyfriend will be joining us. My heart will be full and I will be thankful. I will not let the "what's coming" take the joy out of this moment, out of the next two days. It will be a beautiful Christmas.
Love,
D~
Yesterday was a bit of a bump in my Christmas Spirit I've had rolling this month. I had just arrived at Walmart (OMG!! It was a nightmare trying to get there b/c of the insane amounts of traffic!) I just happened to look at my phone and noticed I had a new email. So, because I'm a freak about checking my phone, messages, emails, I open it up. It's an email from my lawyer. I've been wondering when I was going to get "this email" and I even said to myself and out loud to a friend of mine, "I hope I don't get any sort of news right at Christmas b/c it will always be a bad memory at the most wonderful time of the year!" Well... it happened. I read through the email at least three times before getting out of the car. My lawyer wrote a note to me and forwarded the letter J's lawyer sent to her. Apparently he met with him on December 19th, a full week after we were told he was going to meet with him. I was expecting this email way before now. It would have been better to have received 10 days ago rather than now. I guess it's just a mental thing. Anyway, the letter from J's lawyer just brought it all to the forefront again, right smack in the middle of all this Christmas Joy.
In my mind, these last several weeks, I've been living a dream I suppose. It's been a good few weeks. It has felt like Christmas; it's been like the way it used to be before we became hardened and bitter towards each other. I guess I let myself live in this pretend world b/c it felt good and I was happy doing things for my family, making sure this was going to be a fantastic Christmas; a Christmas they would happily remember versus a Christmas that totally sucked b/c of their parents. Yesterday we made a plan to divide and conquer the rest of the Christmas list for the kids, who would go to the grocery store, who would get the stocking stuffers, etc... I was on roll and making great progress... then I opened that dang email. SCREECHING HALT! Pull the cord on the train kind of thing. I had to do some serious mental talking to myself to even get out of that car.
I did it. I finally got out of the car, started shopping and shopped for the next two hours. I did my best to put it out of my mind... I had no choice. I had to put it out of mind or else I would have just slumped down right in the dog food aisle of Walmart and started crying. Could. Not. Happen. I came home "happy" and got Jacob to help unload the van, and I went upstairs and immediately put in my new Blake Shelton Christmas CD, started putting away the many bags of groceries; I cleaned out the pantry, cleaned out the refrigerator, loaded the dishwasher, charged my phone and then said, "Bye. I'm going to Weezy's." I wanted to give her the Christmas present I had for her and figured this would be the perfect opportunity. Christmas Eve was going to be busy for everyone. It was good to go hang with Weez for a while. It helped take the "sting" out of an otherwise great day. Plus, Weez just had her gall bladder taken out and I needed to check on her anyway. :) I got home about 10:30pm and was in bed shortly after. I needed some sleep.
So today is a new day. It's Christmas Eve!! I love Christmas. I do. It is my favorite everything wrapped into one glorious holiday. Tonight my family will be together. We will do what we always do... we will go to the Love Feast at 6:00. The Love Feast is a very special Christmas tradition that started with the Moravians who actually founded Winston-Salem. It is a beautiful Christmas service. After the Love Feast, we will go eat Mexican food for dinner then make our way through the beautiful light display at Tanglewood Park. This year, my oldest is going to go with us. First time in a long while. This year, my daughter's boyfriend will be joining us. My heart will be full and I will be thankful. I will not let the "what's coming" take the joy out of this moment, out of the next two days. It will be a beautiful Christmas.
Love,
D~
Leave it to you my dearest to find the good in things... and that is because of who you are! I predict that in spite of some of the "carryover" of the bad in 2013...2014 is going to have some of it's own wonderful happy surprises and you will have an even more wonderful top 10 this time next year. LYTTMAB
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