Telling Friends

Why is it that the thought of telling our friends "yucky stuff" in our lives is so difficult? Why does it make us nervous inside?  Is it the fear of being judged? Is it the terrible disappointment that we know we will surely see in their eyes, hear in their voices? Or the feeling of dread knowing they are going to want to "say something" to us about it/talk about it with us/find out the "WHY" is this happening? or the "HOW" did it happen? For me, it's all of these things and then some.

Yesterday I decided it was time to share my situation and what was going on in my life with a few of my dearest friends. I took the "easy road" and emailed them. I knew they were concerned about me; they were wondering this or that and I knew their worries would soon get the best of them and they would start asking me questions and then one thing would lead to another... So I just emailed them. I kept it brief and to the point and asked them to please honor my request of keeping it quiet and more importantly, I asked them not to bombard me with questions. I knew if I asked, they would honor my request. These gals are good people! They are my friends. They love me. They pray for me. We have known each other for years. So WHY was I so afraid to tell them?

Unfortunately, *we* (the majority of people in this world) have grown up, been told, that it does matter what others think. I, for one, am totally guilty of this thinking. I can't stand it if I think someone thinks ill of me, or is mad at me. I'm a people pleaser. I want to make others happy. Sometimes I think it's my job! ha  I grew up never wanting to disappoint my family and for the most part, I made sure I didn't. It was so important to me to be the "good girl." My grandmother told me nearly every day of my life, "Pretty is as pretty does."  So I made sure I was doing "pretty things" so I could be "pretty."  Today, I have a very different perspective on this philosophy.

I am learning to not care so much about what people think, in fact, my caring has lessened considerably!  It is my life, not theirs. It affects me, not them. I have to do what is best for me and my family without having to wonder if *they* are going to critcize or judge me for the choices I make.  Throughout this whole ordeal, my friends have been telling me, "Dawn, you cannot worry about what anyone else thinks. It doesn't matter. You have to do what is best for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks about it?" I've had to really concentrate on accepting this advise and once I did, I felt a huge sense of relief. I felt  like, "Wow! There is something to this "not caring about what others think" thing!!" It's totally freeing in a way I can't really explain. It's sort of like unlocking the chains and letting them just drop off one's body! I admit, some things take me a long time to learn (just ask those closest to me) and I sure do stumble and fall in the process, and I cause myself considerable grief,  but I'm actually beginning to feel like I am making progress in this particular area. :o)  I know that the people who are my true friends will love me no matter what and they will be with me through the roughest of waters and also the smoothest sails. These people have my back and I know it. I love these people!! L.O.V.E. THEM!

So I told those "3" and I know I will have to continue telling other friends down the road, but I'm taking it very slowly and trying to be more confidant and less concerned with "what will they think?" with each passing day. I'll get there... with a little help from my friends.

D~