A Southern Rehabilitation

I know there have been untold references and discussions and shows and specials on the year that was "2020," but I would be doing myself a disservice to my journaling if I didn't do my own post about it. After all, I will forget all those other shows and specials, but here, here I will have documentation of my own journey through the "year that was 2020."  I remember choosing my word for 2020: it was self-care. I was going to make 2020 the year of taking care of myself in a myriad of different ways. I got off to a good start. I joined a gym and I was going fairly regularly. I had a positive mindset and I was being mindful of all the choices I was making whether food-related, friend-related, management of time, blogging, etc... Little did I know, or did any of us know, the absolute train wreck that was about to happen.  I remember the day clearly. March 13th. A Friday. We had all heard the news of this Coronavirus and how it was rapidly spreading to the US. I wa...

It has been so long since I've written a post, I can't remember what the last post was even about without looking back. I do know it has been far far too long and just because it is 2020 isn't an excuse to neglect the things I love to do. Writing is something I enjoy and I've just "let it go" this year and I regret it. So much has happened this year and I'm sad I didn't take the time to write it all here. This blog was started as a means of therapy to help me through the lowest point in my life and then it turned into therapy PLUS a journal of sorts of my life's happenings and adventures.   I love mailing out Christmas cards. In 1991, I started writing a family Christmas letter to send out to our friends and family. It was a collection of thoughts on what I'd learned that particular year or thoughts on the Christmas season or just as a way to share what was on my heart when I wrote the letter. I also wrote about each child and we included a lot...

Here it is December 31, 2019... We are at the end of a decade and on the cusp of a new one... 2020 . Honestly, it blows my mind when I think about it. I've been seeing "look backs" of the last decade on social media and I started thinking about it myself. How would I classify this last decade of my life? What are my thoughts on it? My biggest thought is that it has been the most difficult years of my life. Life after 50 has been FULL of challenges, heartbreak, pain, loss, troubles, loneliness, financial struggles, uncertainty, and just so much of everything that causes stress and even depression. In a way, I'm glad to see this decade go, but it means I'm getting older and that is not something I want to do. As full of adversity and all things negative that these years have been, the last decade has also given me some treasures. Treasures in the form of moments and people and experiences. I am thankful for those. I am thankful for the learning and the ...

Death. It's inevitable for all people. We just don't know the when of it. We think we will live to a ripe old age and tell all the stories to our children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. We think we have all the time in the world to do the things. That's the hope and expectation. However, some are taken way too soon. I've already had to say "I'll See You Later" to one of my dear sweet friends. She was 50 years old when she entered the gates of heaven. She died from pancreatic cancer. Read about her here...  https://asouthernrehabilitation.blogspot.com/2015/01/this-egyptian-girl.html Now once again, I am having to say good-bye to another dear treasured friend who also happens to be my cousin; we are family. We would be family even if the "bloodline" wasn't there. She is 58 years old. Her name is Amy. Amy has cancer. This horrible disease started as breast cancer about 14 months ago, give or take. As of this writing, the cancer has ...

What a rollercoaster of emotions the last few weeks, days! I had every intention of going to church this morning. I made plans last night and told myself, "Tomorrow is the day. I'm going." I'm not sure what the pull is, but I have felt the need to get back to church recently. I suppose the desert has become too dry to give any more sustenance. I haven't been to church for a normal Sunday service in about 5 years. When J and I started having issues, then separated, then divorce, then the aftermath, I was not about church. I went on a couple of Easter Sundays and each Christmas service, but that's it. This year has brought several major life changes (it's only July) and perhaps because of the enormity of these changes, my heart has been changing as well. I've been feeling an urging, a push if you will, toward the Holy. I've never lost it; I have misplaced it or put it on the back burner perhaps. My heart has hurt this year and I've found myself...

I seem to be on this weird emotional rollercoaster.  I really can't figure out how it started or why, but it's the place I find myself these days. This is a long post. I am expressing my feelings, my thoughts. Please don't judge me or criticize me. Before I even began writing, I thought if I say what I really feel, there will be those who say, "Well, change it if that is how you feel. Do something about it. You don't have to stay there or do that. Find somewhere else. Do something else. Get out there." I almost changed my words and then I thought, "It doesn't matter what someone else thinks? This is my space. No one has to read it if they don't want to. Right?"  Right. :) Just wanted to say that first before *you* got too deep into the read and wondered if I'm alright. I am. I'm just trying to figure it out like the rest of the world. There are days I cry... over movies, heart-warming stories, photographs of people I love, dumb TV ...

Christmas Day. What a day it has been! Such joy on my grandchildren's faces. I couldn't stop smiling at them and their excitement for all things Christmas. They are 5 and 4 years old. A boy and a girl. Both fiery redheads. You see, they weren't supposed to be here b/c of "custody agreements," but I got the best surprise last night around 9:30. Katelyn called me and said, "I just got a notification that something I ordered was just delivered. Can you go out to the porch and get it?" I opened the door and there stood my two Littles' beautiful sweet faces. They had driven here from Fayetteville (2 1/2 hours). I was overcome with delight and of course, there were happy tears! I haven't spent Christmas with young children since my children were young. All the work and exhaustion came flooding back as I watched my daughter "prepare" for Santa's arrival. Almost as soon as they arrived, she started making the hot chocolate and cookies to ...